Dinglehopper.

I have a feeling that 'E' is going to be for exhaustion. Not from Sprout, really, although she has become quite the crabby mc teething monster lately. No, the exhaustion has been stemming from an ongoing issue with my thyroid gland. I have an autoimmune thyroid disease called Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. Google it. I'm too tired to explain! But I digress, and I am skipping the letter of the day! Let's talk about some more depressing things, seeing as how I'm in that kind of mood today (and depressed starts with 'D'). Oh, and it's raining outside. Perfect.

D is for Dieting and Debt.

The first of our 'D' words today - diet - is something that has been nonexistent in my life. I have never gone on one, or tried some new fad (Atkins, etc.) to get my body into the shape that I would like. I suppose the next blog subject could be exercise...or a total lack thereof. Lately, I have been feeling a little down about the current state of my post-prego body. I can't really complain, and will probably get smacked if I do, but here's my issue: I've lost above and beyond the weight that I gained during my pregnancy (and the miscarried one previous to it), but there have been seemingly irreversable changes to the structure of my *ahem* curves that I am none too pleased with. First off - what the hell happened to my hips and upper thighs? They turned to Jello post-partum and haven't gotten any sort of structure back. I haven't been trying that hard, but it's not like I sit on my ass all day and do nothing. I haul around a twenty-something pound child all day every day. The stretch marks that gouged my ass, inner and outer thighs, and lower back are ALL still there. They aren't quite as purple, but they are definitely not going anywhere anytime soon. My belly button has turned into a deep cavernous pit that is only good for catching disgusting amounts of lint and looking gross in a bikini. To top it all off, though, I think the worst change has been the deflation of my once-gloriously-perky-and-full breasts. As soon as I stopped pumping, it was as though someone stuck each one with a pin and they wheezed their last puff of perkiness out, leaving me with saggy pancakes that are a full cup size smaller than they used to be. Boo-freaking-hoo, right? Sob story, I know. But no matter what, and even though I would sacrifice my body all over again for my beautiful little girl, it is still hard to walk past that bathroom mirror and get in the shower. Most days I run. It will get better, and if I actually get motivated to do something about the saggy baggies (breasts and thighs), I might perk up - literally.

On to the next topic. Debt. It's a scary one. Being off for 13 weeks before I gave birth to Sprout really didn't help with our debt situation. I went back to work after 3.5 months at home, but that is a LONG time to be living off of one person's income. And we weren't really living, we just went further and further into debt each and every month, although we were being careful. Lately, I don't know what happened, but it seems like all responsibility has gone out the window for both of us. We've gotten FAR beyond minor debt, and right now it really seems like we're never going to get out. Both of us have had to renounce our bad habits. Mine - online shopping. His - small purchases (coffee, lunches out, etc.) that have really added up. The driving force behind getting rid of our debt? Wanting to have another child in the next year and a half, and being able to put money away for both every month for their futures.

So those are my dilemmas. Trivial, I know. In the grand scheme of life, neither really matter. We are all healthy, and have a beautiful daughter who is not lacking in anything, especially love. I need to stop shopping, and stop being shallow. I'm alive. My hair is in desperate need of a dinglehopper (see: The Little Mermaid), but otherwise I'm doing okay (Ha!). Whiny little Sprout is currently stuck between her crawl and sitting positions - hilarious, but she's getting awfully frustrated. Mommy to the rescue, little one!

xoxoxo

Mommy

Cookie cookie cookie starts with 'C'!

Okay, the word of the day is NOT cookie, although that does start with 'C', as does confection (tee hee!). Instead, the word that I'm commencing (ha) my blog with today is...

C is for Change

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...ah, how I love Bowie. Sprout will be 9 months old in less than two weeks, and I cannot believe all of the ways in which my life and self have changed. By self, I don't only mean my body. Those changes are painfully apparent, though maybe not to those who see me fully clothed (ie. everyone but my husband and daughter). I am totally floored by the way that I, myself, have grown and changed into a different person.

When you give birth to a child, you are their mother - obviously - but you aren't necessarily a 'mom'. I have found that over the past 9 months, I have absolutely grown into motherhood and become a full-on 'mom'. No, that doesn't mean I've given up my cute jeans for pleated-front, tapered-ankle khakis (smart ass). What it does encompass is me giving up more and more of my younger, less mature self as time goes on. Don't get me wrong, I still like to throw my jammies on and have a Super Mario party with my husband until 2:00 a.m. every once in a while, but I have had to come to terms with the fact that things like summer holidays aren't going to be what they were when I was growing up.

We just finished a week of holidays, which started and ended with two different camping trips. I used to absolutely LOVE camping. Sleeping in a tent, waking up feeling icy cold air on my face with my body snuggled tight into a sleeping bag. Ahhhh. That was the life. Being able to run around, swim all day, go tubing, lounge and tan, eat snacks. It was awesome. Taking a 8.5 month old baby camping in a tent? Still fun, but...different. Less sleep, for sure. Here's where things take a positive spin though. I actually had more fun camping this year with less sleep and freedom and more crying and whining than I ever have in my life! Watching Sprout lose her mind in the lake day after day trying to swim around made me feel so nostalgic and happy. I definitely threatened both Sprout and my husband with leaving early the second night after Sprout had a major teething/lack of sleep/I-don't-know-what-the-hell-was-wrong-with-her meltdown and the man SLEPT through 99% of it all, but when we got up in the morning and went for a walk through the dewey grass in the already-hot sun, all was forgotten.

Speaking of changes, Sprout has gone through some major milestones and changes in the past couple of weeks. I had her measured and weighed at the health unit in town, and she has grown enough in length now that she is just above the 50th percentile for height, and now down to the 75th for weight (she's been in the 90th her whole life so far...). She's slimming down, although to the less constant observer, she's still a chub-monster. Sprout has the backwards shimmy-crawl mastered, and has gotten herself around for the past month and a half rolling, shoving, and back-crawling her way around the house. Yesterday, she forwards-crawled (not super coordinated yet) three feet across the living room rug to me! I whisked her up off the floor into a super bear hug and whispered "just start slowly so Mommy doesn't have a breakdown" into her ear. Already this past week, she cut her second bottom tooth (not going to talk about teething, because it makes me crabby to even think about it) and said her first word ("Mama" - we've got proof on tape! And she almost says "Puppy"...it comes out "pup pup pup pup"). They grow up so fast through the first year, it's really sad to see it all go by!

A friend of mine just had a beautiful baby girl, and going to visit her made me confirm that I want to start trying for a second baby after Sprout turns one in November. I look at Sprout now, and she is getting to be such a big girl, and so much less of a "baby". Sure, she still needs snuggles, and to be fed, and diaper changes, and she certainly isn't walking yet, but I know that those days are numbered. My niece starts kindergarten this fall, and I feel like I blinked and she's so grown up! I'm holding on to these last baby days for as long as I possibly can. I told Sprout that she can wait to crawl, walk, talk, and grow for as long as she wants to - Mommy doesn't mind.

As per usual, I start writing about her, and she wakes up from her nap. Hearing her say "Mama" with the tone of "umm...I'm awake! where are you?" over the monitor makes my eyes tear up. *Sniff sniff* on my way, little Sprout.

xoxoxo

Mommy