Who's emotional about being 3?

Unbelievable how quickly the time rushes by after the first year of your first child's life. It really did feel like I was always waiting and anticipating her next developmental stage, cheering on every head lift, sit up, step, and word. Now, I find myself constantly wondering where the time went and praying that I haven't missed anything important. Gone are the days of journaling her every move, videotaping each cute phrase and wiggle-dance. Sure, I am still a snap-happy mama - I love capturing each and every moment, mostly because I am forgetful and I don't want to lose any moment, eyes closed, silly face, or otherwise.

I read somewhere recently (forgive me, like I said, forgetful...) that at the ripe old age of three, children begin to develop fears about the world around them. They realize that sometimes shadows in the dark are more than shadows. Their imaginations create scary scenarios in their heads filled with dragons and monsters and the like. They also have the capacity to realize their own mortality, usually after watching a film, reading a story, talking with friends, or the death of a family member, friend, or pet. That's a huge thing to deal with in such a new little mind. I wish that they didn't lose their innocent feelings of immortality as children. Not saying they should think they are invincible and jump off of the slide at the park, but I just wish that they could stay in the little safety bubble a while longer without becoming engrossed in fears and worries about their lives and the world around them.

I should cut to the chase - I've been super emotional about Sprout turning three. So much so, in fact, that I have put off writing her birthday letter until now because every time I thought about it, I started to cry. But, nonetheless, even though I am emotional about it (and so is she...like a teenager), here it is.

My dearest, beautiful, big girl,

You take my breath away every day in so many amazing ways: you make me laugh so hard it hurts, you make me hold my breath and count to ten (yes, that's when I'm mad), you make me sit with my jaw on the floor while I am constantly blown away by your comprehension, vocabulary, and intelligence (you've been reading words lately of your own accord - mind-boggling).

I could sit and list all of the things you have done that I am proud of you for in the last year, but I would be here forever. The big highlights have been watching you grow in your love of dance, observing as you have become the most wonderful and loving big sister a little brother could ask for, and listening to your imagination grow and grow. My favourite story you made up recently went a little like this: "Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a baby unicorn who was super beautiful and had a magic unicorn horn. Her name was Cass, just like you! She lived in a big beautiful castle with her Mommy unicorn, and they played every day and loved each other forever and always, just like me and you." I had to write it down, because it made my heart so incredibly happy.

I could never have dreamed of a better daughter. You are perfect in every way, and I hope that I am doing a good enough job raising you. Sometimes, I feel guilty having been given someone so special and such a big responsibility in helping you grow up right. Please forgive my tired days and my grouchy days. I try not to let those emotions run into our time together, but I know they inevitably do - you are amazingly perceptive for a 3 year-old, and you always know if I am a little off (which you almost always try to cure with a hug and a kiss). Please know that you are so important to me, and that you have the sweetest and most caring heart.

I love you so much, Sprout, and I hope that you have a fantastic year being three! I can't wait to see what adventures God will throw our way in the next 11.5 months! Sweet dreams, baby girl.

xoxoxo
Mommy

Well hello, old friend.

Blogging, for me, is like getting together with that old friend that you haven't seen in a long time, and having a long-awaited venting session about all the good and bad things in your life that have been happening. Ahhh. Feels good. 

It's been way too long since I last wrote. Not a lot has changed. Or...well...I guess it has. New jobs, new car, and seemingly new tiny personalities in my house. Seedling has made the shift from baby to toddler, full-on. He has toddler-sized clothes, a bigger than toddler-sized head (seriously, it's big), a pretty comprehensive vocabulary, and throws toddler-sized tantrums. That all being said, watching him change and grow into his newfound persona has been incredible. Now for the other child. 

Sprout. Sigh. In the last month or so, I have watched my sweet, confident, outgoing, independent big girl regress into a bundle of spontaneous tears, clinginess, frightened of everything, shy (bordering on just downright rude...), completely dependent on Mommy for everything, not-herself little girl. My very wise, supermom sister once told me that there are the 'terrible twos', but then come the 'emotional threes'. It's a thing. I know it for sure, now. Sprout never really entered the 'terrible twos'. Sure, she had her sassy moments and still does, but two seemed to be more about asserting her independence and showing off how much she could really do on her own. She was extremely confident, self-assured, and proud. This whole bipolar personality switch has caught me and the hubs completely off guard. 

Take, for example, today's shenanigans at dance class. Sprout LOVES dance class, and always has. She is in her second year, with the same teacher, at the same studio. Not anything different there; this is the 5th week of class, so she has been well-adjusted to there being new students and new material/routine to follow in the class. We were running late, and she eagerly put on her ballet slippers and dashed into class as soon as we arrived. I watched with Seedling proudly as she went through her pliés, rises, and port de bras with her tiny feet in perfect 1st position. She galloped, skipped, did her lifted walks and kicks wonderfully, and even demonstrated her skips across the floor by herself! All of a sudden, though, I was greeted at the door by her instructor, holding the hand of a sobbing, screaming Sprout. 

**Now, I should take a moment and just say that Sprout did get talked to (by me) after last class, because she wasn't doing a good job of listening to her instructor. But we talked about it, she agreed that she needed to listen, and it was done with.**

Okay, back to the story. Sprout rushed into my arms and I asked her what was wrong. All she could get out between sobs was that she wanted to go home, and she had gotten in trouble. I had been watching, and I knew that she hadn't done anything that would warrant her getting bawled out, but I thought "Hmm...well...there was last week...and I was paying attention to Seedling right before she came out...". Her instructor came out to check on her, and ask what had happened (she seemed as taken aback as I was), and said that she hadn't done anything, just burst into tears when they got into a circle to sing one of their songs. Then, I got frustrated. This was the same thing that had been happening everywhere we went. 

At Sunday school, she sat in the corner and wouldn't listen or participate at all. At our weekly playgroup/class, she sat on my lap and refused to even look at or talk to anyone else. We had friends over for her this past week - she played by herself. Every day, it seemed there was something that set her off and had her crying at different points throughout the day. She has been withdrawn, clingy, emotional, and just not herself, and I can't figure out why. Hard not to lose your patience, right? Maybe there are some parents who can deal with these changes more easily, but I know that I'm not alone when I say that IT SUCKS. 

What I realized today, though, is that I don't think I am ever going to know exactly why her behaviour has changed. Kids go through all of these different changes and phases during their development, and they are usually just as thrown and frustrated as we are. Think about puberty - I know that I was both frustrated and confused with a lot of what was happening with my body and my emotions during that time, and I know I was definitely not alone in that. The most important thing in their lives is how we, their parents, react and help them through it all. 

Encouraging Sprout to talk about what she felt before she started to cry, or the things that set her off and make her withdraw from interacting with others, will hopefully help her feel like she can talk to me - about anything. If all I do is get frustrated when she comes out of class crying, she is never going to trust me with the truth behind her emotions. Doesn't seem like a big deal now, but when she is a teenager, or an adult, it will be. Asking "Why are you so upset?" might not be the best tactic because she probably has no idea a lot of the time, but being positive and helping her understand different ways to express her feelings (like using an outlet, drawing, choosing colours that help show me how she feels), might aid her in feeling like she isn't trying to blindly scramble through this phase of her life alone. 

Good grief, parenting is a learning curve. You think you have them figured out for a minute, and then they change. I am so thankful to have such amazing friends and family to help me help them through life. I have said it before, and I will say it again: not only am I contributing to the growth and development of my children; they are also contributing to my own personal growth and development. Every day, I learn something different and new, and every day there is something else that pops up as a potential struggle. Some days I feel beaten down, and other days, I feel like I couldn't be more alive. It's a rollercoaster, that's for sure. 

Seedling, you are growing into such a special little boy. I watch with amazement each day at all the different things you are learning, and love all the lessons you are teaching me. I am proud and honoured to be your Mommy. 

Sprout. My first-born, beautiful, big girl. You will be turning 3 in less than a month, and that day will be extremely bittersweet. 3 soon turns into 4, and then 5, and then school years start to fly by. I know, I've been there. I'm trying to hold onto your tiny years, while still encouraging you to spread your wings and take off to do more on your own. I'm not perfect, and I'm sorry that I get frustrated and lose my patience. I will do my best to help you get through whatever this horrible phase is. Please make it a short one. (That plea was more of a prayer, not really a plea for you). You are so bright and beautiful, mischievous and sassy, loving, generous, and caring. I hope that none of that ever changes. 

**I could use a little less sassy sometimes though**

xoxoxo
Mommy

Summer Heat & The Art of Losing One's Temper

I recently complained to a friend about my son's crazy temper. At just shy of 14 months, he throws epic tantrums that outplay even those of Sprout's (she will be 3 in November of this year). In the midst of all of my complaining, I recalled a few incidents where I 'lost it' recently with my kids and husband, and my vision suddenly became clear.

Sure, I could blame it all on the summer heat - who isn't feeling a little stir crazy these days with this heat wave, as awesome as our pool days have been - but honestly...I'm going to go with the fact that I've just not been myself lately. It is amazing to me how much of an impact children and pregnancy/ies can have on your life. For example, I have now had to get my eyeglass prescription strengthened twice in the past year, supposedly because "having kids can greatly affect your eyes, you know....hormones and all that...", or so says my optometrist. Apparently having a baby can make your eyes shaped even  more like footballs (my prescription is mostly astigmatism). It really just made me think, and think hard.

Here's where this blog is going: to my friends who haven't had kids yet, or to anyone who is contemplating having children, I would like to share with you a few points that you might want to consider from both sides of the argument.

Having children is an amazing, wonderful thing. It will be the most challenging, yet most rewarding experience in your life. Why wait, right? Here's my thought on holding off, and it's one that I really want you to consider carefully - everything will change when you have a baby. Be prepared for it. If all of your thoughts on having children come up with giggles, ice cream sundaes, cute baby clothes, and snuggles, take a moment and stop. It IS that wonderful at times, but you need to understand the gravity and reality of the situation. Your whole life will change. I so looked forward to my first pregnancy, and for the most part, it really wasn't bad. Neither was delivery or labour. Neither was having a baby, in general. I came home with the easiest baby in the world (the first time), but it was still a huge adjustment. Emotions run crazy wild when you are in that first postpartum year, and no matter how well things go with the baby, your marriage or relationship will undoubtedly have its own challenges.

Financially, make sure you are ready. Everyone said that to me, and I thought we were good. I was planning on working until the bitter end, but I ended up going on partial bedrest for the last 6 weeks due to muscle tearing. I hadn't planned for that, and I also hadn't planned well for having no EI or maternity leave while I was off (self-employed...benefits and drawbacks). We put ourselves into major debt, and didn't learn the second time around. I feel like an idiot looking back, and now we will be struggling to keep afloat for years to come. If you want to travel, or just lay around on the couch on the weekends, do it now. If you want to spend some more time with your friends, do it now. Don't let your friends having kids influence you to start a family of your own. That is one of the worst reasons to decide to have a baby. Peer pressure is never a good idea, no matter how old you are. All this aside, I wouldn't change a thing about when we decided to have our first little Sprout. Well, the financial stuff I would have planned better, but otherwise I wouldn't have any doubts about our decision.

Here are the good things about not waiting to start a family:
- Babies are awesome. Kids are awesome. They are a spectacle to behold, and with every new achievement, and every inch grown, you will have a new appreciation for them and for your own family that came before you that donated their DNA to aid in creating this amazing little person you get to call your own.
- Having a baby is the true test of a relationship. You never really know what your spouse is going to be like as a father or mother until it happens. You never know what you, yourself will be like as a parent. And it will constantly change. This doesn't sound good, right? It honestly is. My husband and I have grown leaps and bounds in our relationship since we had Sprout and Seedling. The challenges and arguments bring about conversations that expose different parts of ourselves that we have never shown to each other, or never known that we even had. I have had feelings that I didn't know I was capable of, both good and bad.
- Finances are always going to be tough, for most of us anyway. My thinking is that once my kids are through school and into university, my husband and I will be able to use what extra money we are able to save to travel. All I want at some point in time is to visit Paris, and what an amazing trip it would be to go just with Sprout, and have my husband and Seedling take a trip together on their own as well in the future.
- When you have kids in your house, you don't have to feel guilty about having 'kid food' in the house. Buy Froot Loops. You don't actually have to let your kids have any. You can just feel better when you put them in your car-cart at the grocery store.


The biggest and most convincing reason to have kids early? More years (hopefully) of being able to watch them grow and learn about the world around them, be there to support them, and have them there to support you. I love that I had kids early, but I keep thinking that maybe I would have been better equipped to handle two little ones 17 months apart had I been in my 30s. Who knows? Maybe I would have had less energy to do it, and maybe I would have been more mellowed out and less of a hardass, strict, eager young parent. All I can say is that I am doing the best that I can, regardless of the many meltdowns that occur daily (I joke that my neighbours will likely call social services one day because my kids scream and have fits so often...but it's really not a joke - Seedling screams like someone is trying to strangle him when he needs a diaper change. It's ridiculously excessive, but explain that to a 14 month old), and I am so happy that I had my kids when I did. They are shaping who I am, and hopefully I am helping to shape who they become in a positive and nurturing way. Or maybe I'm screwing them up by being too strict and raising my voice too often. Such is life.

I love you, Sprout & Seedling. We will probably fight like cats and dogs in your teenage years, because all three of us are headstrong and have hot tempers, but hopefully Daddy will balance things out and keep us all in check. I am so glad that I had you when I did, and I pray every day that I have the energy to continue to do as much as I can to help you grow up to be confident, polite, intelligent, well-rounded individuals. I am having so much fun with you this summer, and I can't wait to see what fun we will have on our many adventures through July and August. I love watching you discover the world, and I hope that God has it in his plans for me to be able to witness that spectacle for many years to come. Have a wonderful sleep in your air conditioned bliss, my darlings, while Mommy and Daddy sleep (not really) downstairs on the sofa bed so we don't roast like turkeys tonight.

xoxoxo

Mommy

Seedling Turns One.

I have always written a little something, usually a letter, on a momentous occasion for both Sprout and Seedling. Today, at 1:17pm, Seedling turned exactly one year old. It has been a rollercoaster of a day for me, and there are a lot of complicated emotions involved. You see, I don't really remember much of the first 3-4 months of Seedling's life. Honestly, I think that I blocked them out a long time ago as some sort of defense mechanism. If I did that, I wouldn't be able to feel the guilt for completely checking out mentally and emotionally during that time period. I wouldn't be able to completely regret the fact that we gave away our family dog because I couldn't handle the extra stress at the time. All in all, it wasn't a happy time for anyone, Seedling and Sprout included. 

This year has brought so many new challenges and victories to all of our lives. Seedling overcame the obstacles of his laryngomalacia and reflux (mostly - not completely outgrown but almost!), Sprout overcame the obstacle of adjusting to her life with a sibling in it (she still has her 'moments'), my husband and I overcame the many obstacles that arose and caused havoc in our marriage, and I overcame my postpartum depression (again...almost). I still have my 'moments' as well, but they are fewer and farther between.

It is a happy and wonderful day, don't get me wrong, it just brings up feelings that I haven't felt in a long time. And a whole jumble of them. It's been emotional, to say the least. So, on this day that begins the start of a new year of life for my beautiful, handsome, mischievous little Seedling, I would like to write him something a little bit different. For you, my love, here is a poem:

As I laid you down to sleep tonight

On this, your first birthday

A single tear rolled down my cheek

I could not wipe away

A tear of joy, of pride, of hope

Of sadness, pain, and love

One tear to mark my gratefulness 

To the Lord, my God above

Please forgive me, my sweet child

For I have made mistakes

I have always loved you, even when wild

There were moments I thought I might break

Love, you are growing far too fast

Before my eyes, I swear

One inch, another, and then at last

You'll be grown up, sleeping there

I'm savouring all of our moments now

And holding you closer than ever

I'll give you more kisses than you will allow

Our bond will never be severed

I wish I could give you the world today

Anything you could dream of

But all I can give you, do for you, or say

Is that you have all of my love

Close your eyes, little one, go to sleep with the sun

Let the stars serenade you tonight

For tomorrow will begin a new year of fun

And love from your Mommy

Sleep tight

Have a good sleep, little Seedling (and Sprout). I love you both, and you were amazingly well behaved this weekend. Thank you for that. You have no idea how much you both light up every single day. 

xoxoxo

Mommy 

See see my playmate.

You know, friendship is a fickle thing. Or, at least, it can be. Especially in the case of girls/women. The evolution of a friendship over the course of a lifetime is a fascinating thing to explore. Recently, I had a conversation with a friend (let's call her L for all intents and purposes) in regards to how her social circle had changed drastically after she had her children, and how it seems to continue to evolve with each year that passes. L was having trouble with one of her friends understanding the limitations of having children at home, and wanting her to come out and party with them, and "act her age". L is 29, and has two beautiful children at home. What is considered 'acting your age' at 29? How about 25? 35? It really upset her that her friend was treating her that way, and I couldn't really give her much advice, other than trying to delicately say that her friend probably wouldn't understand until she had a family of her own. How do we have so much in common to start out with, and so little only a few years down the road? Just as in a romantic relationship, people in friendships can also grow apart. 


I can definitely say that I have experienced a similar phenomenon since even before I had my Sprout. It all started when I got pregnant...(cue dreamy harp music and a cross-fade transition)


I remember telling my friends that I was pregnant. The ones that seemed the most excited were the ones who were closest to that same stage of life - the friends who had children in their minds for the near future, and were engaged or already married. My other friends were excited too, but it appeared to resonate less with them. Once I gave birth to my beautiful Sprout, my friends called, came by to visit, and mostly kept in touch via text, email, Facebook, or the like. As Sprout has grown, I have lost some friends and made new ones along the way; reconnected with people from my past, and started to phase others out. I have 'cleaned' out my Facebook group, making sure that I don't have anyone that I couldn't actually relate to in my list of friends. I didn't want just anyone having access to my multitude of photo and video albums of my growing family. I have grown more protective of my children and who I want around them, influencing their little lives. In a nutshell, I have changed. Shifted my priorities, and altered what I look for when I meet a potential new friend for the first time. 


Now, I am extremely fortunate to have a wonderful and small group of friends whom I like to refer to as the 'close' ones. Most of them are married and are having kids, or have done so already. The few friends that I have kept who don't fall under those criteria have maintained their connection with me by making sure that I still know who I am, underneath the surface. They ensure that I remember where I came from and who I was before I became a wife and a mother, and remind me not to lose touch with that woman. They play a pivotal role in keeping me sane, otherwise. I have chosen carefully who I want to spend time in my home, and with my children. Am I sad that I had to phase some of my friends out of my life? Sometimes, yes. But, like I said before, people can grow apart in friendships just as often as they do in a romantic relationship. The reconnections with people from my past who are in a similar life-stage right now have been wonderful, and some have also been surprising. 


When you become a mother, new friends usually come from your kids. They meet someone in a class, or at an outing, a birthday party, or at the park, and ask if they can come over to play. I met some amazing friends when I first had Sprout, and brought her to the New Moms Network put on by our local Public Health Unit. We probably didn't have that much in common to start out with other than our babies, but that, along with compatible personality types, was enough to strike up conversation week after week and continue to have weekly playdates and visits until the kids got older and some of the moms began to return to work. Would we have somehow met and been friends otherwise? Maybe. Probably not. Even still, those ladies are still some of my closest friends. 


Having children changes everything in your life. Your body, mind, heart, marriage/relationship, family, priorities, and friendships. Back to my friend L. I thought a lot about what she said, and the trouble that she was having maintaining her friendship, and my heart just hurt for her. A week later, she called me in tears and said that she had sadly decided to sever ties with her friend. I told her that I had to do the same a few times before, and that if she felt like it was the right decision for her and her family, then it was. It happens. As you travel along the road of your life, some people remain beside you, and others veer off on a path of their own. It isn't anyone's fault, but it still hurts when it happens. People move on, and find others that are on the same path or road that they are. The best advice that I can give is to surround yourself with people who make you feel happy, and good about yourself, wherever you are in life. For me, that means low drama. I don't deal with it, don't put up with it, and don't want it around my family. The majority of my close friends get that, and have it high on their list of criteria for what they look for in a friend as well. 


I hope to try and influence my children positively with their own choices for friends, and teach them different strategies for dealing with friendship fallouts as well. Sprout and Seedling, being a friend can be difficult sometimes. There is no way t0 completely avoid people that cause drama and problems, but there are right and wrong ways of dealing with it. Sometimes you will be able to reconcile, and other times you won't. I pray that I am teaching you both the right way to diffuse drama, how to be a good and caring friend, and nurturing your natural empathy and compassion for others. I know that you already have some wonderful friends, and I hope that you all grow together on similar paths (I like all of their mommies too, so it would be nice if that happened!). I love you both with all of my heart. 


xoxoxoxo
Mommy

This one's for you, Melissa...

Recently, a friend of mine jokingly accused me of being secretive with my recipes. She even had a dream about it. Of course, they were crazy delicious cupcakes, not crepes, in the dream, but nevertheless, it got my wheels turning (very squeaky these days).

I love to cook. LOVE to cook. I don't have much time for it these days, but every once in a while, I throw some stuff into a bowl and it works. Here's the latest adventure: Vanilla Bean Crepes with Coconut. I made these three times before I finally took out a set of measuring cups and spoons and attempted to record exactly how much of the ingredients I was using, and what the heck I did to make them. Hopefully these will turn out. This blog is specifically for you, Melissa - I expect a full report back, and I apologize if they don't live up to the dream cupcakes!

Vanilla Bean Crepes with Coconut

4 Large eggs

1/2 c. milk

1 vanilla bean, scraped

1 Tbsp coconut oil, warmed to liquify

2 Tbsp sugar

Pinch of salt

1/2 c. flour

1/4 c. shredded coconut (optional)

Whisk together the first 6 ingredients in a large glass bowl, blend well. Sift in flour slowly, whisking while you add. Stir in coconut, if using. Heat a round, appx 9" frying pan under medium heat with 1 Tsp coconut oil to start off the crepes. Ladel 1/4 c. per crepe and swirl around pan to distribute evenly. Cook until lightly browned, then flip. The second side will cook quicker than the first, so be sure to keep a watchful eye on those beauties! Serve warm with brown sugar, cinnamon, and maple syrup.

There you have it! Bon appetit!

On Being a Modern, Eco-Friendly Mom. Sometimes.

I had the opportunity recently to do a full product review for a fantastic new cloth diaper (and accessories) company based out of Ontario. After weeks of Seedling being sick, and not really wanting 'those' poops happening in a cloth diaper, we were finally able to test everything out! Here is the full deal:

Lil' Helper Cloth Diaper Review

Included in my demo kit were:

1. Organic bamboo diaper with organic bamboo inserts - two of these, one in orange, and one in the most adorable denim pocket print

2. Organic bamboo charcoal diaper with organic bamboo charcoal inserts

3. PUL-lined wet bag with drawstring

4. PUL-lined wet bag with zipper

5. Extra inserts - cotton, bamboo, and charcoal

6. Bamboo wipes

Right off the top, can I just express how adorable their logo, packaging, and prints are?! Everything just looks cute! Appearance, however, is not always everything - I'm sure you all want to know about performance.

The diapers are an AI2 (All-In-Two) model, with snap-in inserts and doublers. I always used the doubler with Seedling, as he would have soaked right through to his pants otherwise. For ease of use, I will give these diapers a 10/10. The sizing adjustments are fantastic, and while I do prefer velcro to snaps, these provided a wonderful fit around both the waist and legs. The snap-in-snap-out inserts are also great. If Seedling hadn't soaked through both inserts to the cover, all I did was swap out the inserts. That made for easy changes that even my husband wasn't afraid to try. I love the idea of diapers where you just swap inserts. The snaps on these make sure that they aren't bunching up or sliding around inside the cover, which is a problem we have had with other similar diaper styles.

The different choices for inserts also makes these quite interesting. They offer a way to combine different outers and inserts for time of day, or where you will be going. My favourite inserts BY FAR are the bamboo charcoal. Genius idea. Honestly, I don't know what made them think this up, but it is so smart. The charcoal addition to the inserts makes them a gorgeous gray colour (less staining, people), and so incredibly absorbent. Not to mention, they don't smell. Like anything. After they blew me away, I decided to do the ultimate test: what if I left a diaper in the wet bag and forgot about it for...say...2 days? After the waiting period, I took the diaper out and expected that abhorrent ammonia odour to be permeating my nostrils. Zilch. Nothing. The diaper was dry, and if I didn't know better, looked and smelled clean. Crazy. It does make it a little more difficult to tell when a change is required, but if you stick to the rule of every 2-3 hrs for cloth, you won't have an issue with leaks. The only downside to the bamboo charcoal inserts is that they are bulky. I preferred to use the charcoal inserts with a regular bamboo outer, just to cut back on the amount of bulk on Seedling's rear. Goodness knows he could use some help holding up his pants a little (skinny little thing), but the combo of the charcoal outer and inserts was enough to make him look like he had an 'old man' pouch in the front. Plus, he was crawling all funny and had trouble standing up.

The organic bamboo inserts are deliciously soft. Like, rub them against your cheek soft. They are also absorbent, but not quite as well as the bamboo charcoal. I used these with the charcoal outer, again limiting the amount of bulk while still benefitting from the charcoal. When put together with the bamboo outer, these are extremely trim. No leaks, either.

The only inserts I didn't like at all were the cotton. When washed and dried to prep, they shrunk funny, and didn't hold their shape. They seemed scratchy and bulky. If you were going to make the investment in these diapers, I would pay a little extra, and just get the organic bamboo or charcoal. The cotton inserts were also the only ones I used that leaked.

Their wipes and wet bags are great. The wipes are very soft, and when dampened, do a great job of cleaning up those extra-messy messes. One side is a little rougher for cleaning the dirtier bits, while the other side is velvety and soft for gently cleansing the most delicate areas. The wet bags are pretty standard, nothing too out of the ordinary there. I didn't have any leaks with them, and they held about three diapers with inserts when wet/dirty.

You want to know how much they cost now, right? They range from $20-$26 per diaper, which includes one set of inserts. Not bad, when you compare with others that are a similar style. Plus, you're supporting a Canadian company. Inserts range from $8-$10 per set, wet bags range from $6-$8, and a set of 5 reusable bamboo wipes will set you back $10. Their online store also offers free shipping in Canada for purchases over $60, and to the USA for purchases over $90. The nice thing about these diapers is that you probably won't need as many outers as inserts, because for changes that haven't leaked through or gotten extensively stinky, you can just swap out the inserts and keep using the same cover. You also don't have to buy any different sizes. I tried putting the diaper on the smallest size on one of Sprout's dolls. It fit like a dream, and that baby would probably be in the 7-10 lb range if it were real (she thought it was staying on the doll, and loved it so much that she cried when I took it off to use on her brother).

All in all, I would give Lil' Helper cloth diapers a 9/10. I would have said 8.5, but let me tell you a little bit about the company and their philosophies. They have a policy called "Baby Do Good", where they donate one cloth diaper to a family in need for every three diapers purchased from their company, whether it is online or in store. I love companies that do things like this. While I don't cloth diaper exclusively, I do understand the impact of disposable diapers ending up in landfills all across the world, and I think that what Lil' Helper is doing is a fantastic way of decreasing the waste of others. You should also really visit their website, and read the biographies of the two co-creators. Did I mention they are of the male persuasion? Surprising, right? Refreshingly different in all aspects, and Canadian. Check them out. You won't be disappointed.

Charcoal Bamboo Cloth Diaper

Organic Bamboo Cloth Diaper

Seedling wearing the organic bamboo with charcoal inserts

Organic bamboo cloth diaper in denim print

Why are they so embarrassing?

Mischievous Sprout Look #33,298

Mischievous Seedling Look #3,217

Kids do the most embarrassing things in public. I swear, they are all born with this little microchip in their brains that turns on whenever you leave the house. It whispers little things in their ears, like "Psst...hey...you should totally ralph up that bottle of formula right now. All over your Mommy. And then laugh about it, that will make it awesome." Or, better yet, "Hey...hey kid...you know what would be super funny? Yelling out 'I HAVE A VAGINA' from the top of the crowded playground equipment. Wait until it sounds like things are super quiet though, that will make it so much funnier!"

Now comes the time to discuss the matter of naming the unmentionable areas for a child. There have been studies conducted that have shown that one of the top characteristics a child molester or pedophile looks for when seeking out victims is that the child does not use the correct anatomical terms for his or her private parts. What has been shown is that a child who does not use the right terms for their anatomy is less likely to go to someone after the fact and tell what has occurred. That, alone, is enough for me to use proper terminology with my children. Not to mention that I think it's ridiculous to make up 'baby' words for things, especially in that category. Sprout has always been ahead of the game in terms of her vocabulary and comprehension of the world around her, so when she began full-on potty training at 20 months, she naturally had some questions and curiosity in regards to what that, down there was. And when her little brother Seedling came along, she wanted to help with everything. Diaper changes were the big event that she was able to be a part of from the beginning. Even being as young as she was, she would ask "What's that, Mommy?" and "I have a vagina. Grayson does, too?" So we taught her correctly. It is one of those things that will prove to be both positive and embarrassing for a number of years, I'm sure.

Take, for example, the time we were at the grocery store, walking through the checkout line. We got to the till, and my 22 month-old Sprout was chatty with the cashier (as per usual).

Sprout: "You a girl, lady?"

Cashier: "Yes, honey, I'm a girl. Just like you!"

Sprout: "Just like me! You a girl, like me, lady?"

Cashier: "That's right, I'm a girl too!"

Sprout: "I'm a girl. I have a vagina. You have vagina too, lady?"

Cashier: "Uhhhh...." (Obviously mortified, but not as tomato-faced as I was. Pretty sure I hit the shade of red you find on those ugly fluorescent orange-red berries that fall off of the trees and make a mess all over the sidewalk.)

That's just one story. This is how the train of conversation goes (and derails) when she talks about Grayson and Daddy: do they have a vagina, oh no, that's right, they have a penis, they both have one, why doesn't she have one, her and Mommy have a vagina, she is a girl, Mommy is a girl, Daddy and Grayson are boys. The other day, she ended this one by calling Grayson a "poopy penis". Fan-freaking-tastic. I'm just waiting for her to pull that one out at Wal Mart. Here's another gem from her talk with Daddy while she was on the potty the other night:

Charlie: "I have a vagina, Daddy. I'm a girl."

Daddy: "That's right, Charlie. Remember, though, we don't talk about that in public, right? It's not polite. You can talk about it with Mommy and Daddy at home, especially if something is sore or really itchy."

Charlie: "Vagina. Vagina (whispered)."

Daddy: "Charlie...that's not polite."

Charlie: (Cups her hands around her mouth and leans forward, whispering) "You have a penis"

Okay, how do you not laugh? I'm worried that I'm going to send her to preschool in the fall (Yes, I'm probably sending her in September. Yes, I'm freaking out about it. No, I'm not sure that's what I'm doing. Don't ask me about it because I might cry.) and she is going to be that kid, who gets a letter home to their parents about inappropriate chatter at school.

So, it's fantastic that she knows the right words to use when referring to her own private anatomy. Right? I'm not changing anything, and I wouldn't. I still feel it is incredibly important, but it can lead to so many embarrassing situations. She's only 2. I'm waiting for a lot more. And Grayson is learning from watching and listening to her...sigh. I'm in for it. And so are YOU, if you have kids! (Did I really have to tell you that? I'm sure you've had your moments already.)

I love you more than you know, Sprout & Seedling. Please, please try not to put me in too many of these situations as you grow up. I understand that it will happen when I least (or most) expect it to, but keep the questions and the socially unacceptable chatter to a minimum, okay? Only a few hundred times each. Before you're 4.

xoxoxo

Mommy

Doubling. Remember that?

I know what you're thinking. Really? Two blogs in one day? Just wait for it, there might even be THREE! (Probably not, don't get your panties in a bunch)

I recently began a search for a new double stroller for carting my kidlets around on walks (hahaha...those trendy things), to the zoo (when it's not winter), to the mall (when I'm not broke, which is...never), or just anywhere that Sprout might want to sit down too, in general. Before I had Seedling, I bought a secondhand Joovy Caboose Sit & Stand stroller, anticipating that Sprout would probably want to walk wherever we went, but giving her the option of both standing on the cute little platform and holding the handles, or perching on the little bench seat. It did not work for us. At all. Sprout was mad every single time we used it, because she wanted to sit in the big seat where Seedling was. When we had the infant car seat in it (those stupid gigantic things), the seat had to recline, so if Sprout tried to sit down, she had to lean way forward and she got bonked in the back of the head if we went over a pebble. It was ridiculous. I always ended up carrying one or the other, so I finally decided that something had to give.

Gathering up all the baby-baby stuff from the basement storage was fairly easy, and selling it all proved to be not a big deal either, so then it was time to look for a new double stroller. Here are the ones that I researched:

1. City Select Double Stroller - Avg price of $699 CDN with the second seat: Awesome stroller, very light and compact for a double, with stadium seating and comfortable seats with 5-point harnesses. Unfortunately, for a decently tall toddler, they don't work that well. Also, the perk of having 6 different seating arrangements with the seats is fantastic, but in my opinion, there were other strollers that suited our needs better for way less. And like I said, we are broke.

2. Peg Perego Aria 60/40 - Avg price of $399 CDN: Again, a very awesome stroller. Light and compact, fits through standard doorways, and quite cute for a side-by-side (I find a lot of these to look really industrial and kind of ugly). Unfortunately, this one would not fit in the back of my Sunfire, and the fact that both kids don't have the same amount of room kind of bothered me a little bit. Again, not the right fit for us. I was looking for something under $300.

3. BOB Revolution Duallie - Avg price between $400-600 CDN: Not the right price point, not the right stroller. I don't like the look of these ones at all, but that's just me. I have friends who have this stroller and absolutely love it. If I had twins, maybe, but I think I still would have gone with...

4. Kolcraft Contours Options II Tandem - Avg price between $190-300 US, incl. shipping and taxes. Not available in Canada. Anywhere. Must be ordered online, or scavenged for on Craigslist or Kijiji. Or hauled back from a vacation: Okay, so I was completely blown away by this stroller. After finding one on Kijiji for $250, and realizing I could buy a new one on sale from Amazon.com (not .ca people, they don't carry them) for $191 plus $10 shipping, I had to go for it. Let me give it the full review it deserves, interjected with a few pics.

Review: Kolcraft Contours Options II Tandem, 2011 Model (Colour: Tangerine)

Price: $191 US plus $10 CDN for shipping from www.amazon.com

Weight: With seats attached, appx. 50 lbs; without seats, appx. 40 lbs.

Can accommodate two children up to 40 lbs each, and seats very easily interchange to both face the parent, face each other, face back-to-back, face forward, with an infant car seat, or with the front seat only and the rear open for storage. Both seats can also recline, and have swivelling cup or snack holders.

Comes with one infant car seat attachment, but additional is sold separately so the stroller can accommodate twins. (All the spare parts on this stroller are incredibly inexpensive - only $25 for an entire replacement seat). Also includes extra-large storage basket below seats, iPod speakers and docking station, large and sturdy parent drink holder/organizer with ventilated cup holders, adjustable canopies and footrests for taller toddlers, walking handles on both sides for toddlers, and Free Stand™, which allows for the stroller to be folded and stand upright on its own.

Okay, whew. Those are the specs. Anyways, here are my thoughts after taking it out for a spin with both kids. Keep in mind, it is winter in Alberta, and the sidewalks are still fairly icy and slushy although it has been unseasonably warm these past few weeks.

What I love:

- It is SO easy to rearrange the seats. Literally, push the 2 little buttons on either side, lift, and it's out. That, and they are extremely light. Both my kids loved all of the different seating options, but they especially liked facing each other.

- It FITS in the back of my SUNFIRE. Yes, I have to take the seats off and stack them on top, but they are light, and it makes the stroller fit. Enough said.

- It turns and corners like a dream. Even on icy wheelchair ramps.

- The iPod speakers are fantastic - they even have a little mesh pocket to put the whole contraption in. Sprout was delighted that she got to listen to her music while we walked. She sang the whole time.

Sprout: "Mommy, I want to listen to Dragonette. That song where it says 'Hello...oh oh oh'." What can I say? The girl has good taste in tunes.

- The canopies really do adjust well, as do the foot rests. Sprout is in the 75th percentile for height, and she has lots of room to grow. Her feet will not be dragging on the ground anytime soon, unlike a few of the other strollers we perused.

- 5-point harnesses are a must for me, for both kids. I don't want any wigglers wiggling their way out onto the pavement. Headfirst. Plus, the padding on the harness and headrest is extremely plush.

- They don't mention it in the specs, but there are these 4 awesome toddler steps on the stroller that allow for an older child to climb into the seat him/her self. Such a fantastic idea.

- That storage basket is GIGANTIC! I could go for groceries with both kids in the stroller! (Not going to, but you get the drift)

I could go on and on. It pushes easy, feels light with both kids, etc. The best part? They both loved riding in it. That was the biggest thing I was looking for. Ahh. Now for the cons.

What I wasn't so bananas about:

- Non-pneumatic tires. Kind of a win though, because I will never have to fill them. On icy pavement, they are fine, but this is not a stroller I would push through a snowy field or anything. Not that I would, I have a wagon for that, but that is what some people look for. Not an off-road model.

- The fact that I won't be able to stick Sprout in this until she is 4. Seriously. I just love it that much.

- Only one colour option. Not like it mattered, really. For some people, maybe, but I just don't care - as long as I love the stroller, it could have been puke green covered in candy-apple red and pink squiggles. In other words, I have had an extremely difficult time finding something that I really don't like about this stroller.

So there you have it. This is my review. I think that for the amount that I paid for it, this is way nicer than some of the very expensive models out there. Having the different seating options was the biggest draw for me, because Seedling screamed every time I put him in that stupid other stroller and he faced away from me. Now, he can look at me and his sister, and we don't have any problems at all!

I love this stroller. Can't say enough about it. But now my review is done, and so is naptime, apparently. Thank you for being patient enough to let me write TWO blogs today, my cute little Sprout & Seedling. Now to go and get mentally and emotionally prepared for that damn Preschool night. What am I supposed to wear? I don't think I should wear my dance gear, although I will have to run around like a madwoman after the info night to get to my class and get changed. Will the fact that I haven't showered today weigh into Sprout's acceptance? Let's hope not. Mmm...vanilla perfume. Okay, done.

Love you, little peanuts. Glad you like your new sweet ride. Even if you didn't, you wouldn't be getting another one. Let's not kid ourselves.

xoxoxo

Mommy

It's been a while.

Why, hello there. Welcome back! Or maybe I should be welcoming myself back. Either way, it's been much too long since I have had time to actually sit down and write a blog post! There are actually a couple of them coming your way over the next week or so, including a review of a most wonderful item that I purchased from across the border a couple of weeks ago. I have had a difficult time trying to figure out what topic to write about lately. Usually while I am driving, I end up with these fantastic blog ideas with nowhere to write them down, and they disappear by the time I get home. So, you are all stuck with my mediocre ideas. Yay for you.

I thought I might start with the most distressing thing in my life right now: Preschool.

The thought of leaving my beautiful little Sprout at school, even for just 5 hours per week, is enough to make me want to vomit. The financial obligation is also making me nauseous. Here's the deal: We want to send Sprout to this amazing, private Christian school in town, because the public school options in the city where we live are not great. There is a Catholic school, but both my husband and I are opposed to sending our CRC daughter to a Catholic school (if you know the fundamental differences between them, you will understand what I mean). The fact of the matter is that private schools are not cheap. Think the amount of a very large vehicle payment to send 2 kids there full-time, plus uniforms, plus extracurriculars. Plus, plus, plus. It all adds up to a crazy sum. I have contemplated homeschooling, because I am confident that if I homeschooled my kids, they would not end up being the 'homeschooled' kids who don't have a clue how to act in society, or who have been so sheltered from modern-day life that they experience a major shock once they are out in the world on their own (sorry, long sentence). The major deterrent for me homeschooling the kids is that I believe I learned valuable lessons in school. I learned how to function in society, I learned how to take instruction from someone other than my parents, I learned how to withstand peer pressure, I learned how to make friends (and keep friends), I learned how to be a leader, and I learned that life would hand me things that would be difficult, and that I could work them out on my own. I learned life skills. Social skills. And I was also put into situations that helped to shape the person that I am now. Most days, I like that person. As a mother, I don't want my kids forced into some of the situations that I was during school (especially throughout my teenage years), but I think conquering those things are an integral part of growing up, and guiding Sprout & Seedling through is part of my being a parent to them. Okay. End rant about homeschooling.

So I've got the preschool information night tonight at the private school. I already know I am not sending Sprout in September. She will be too young - though definitely cognitively beyond ready - and I am not ready to let her go quite yet. I also think if I put her through two full years of preschool, she will be bored to tears the second year, and then again in kindergarten. She is counting through to 13 (followed by eleventeen, her own made-up number), knows her ABCs, her address (including the city), her full name and birthdate, and she can recite entire books by memory and 'read' them to her little brother. I don't need to go on and on and brag about how crazy smart she is (I could. It would be a whole blog to itself). Her pediatrician said that her speech and vocabulary are on par with an average age of 3.5-4, as is her comprehension. There. Bragging over. I would like to send her there in January, so tonight is basically just to see what the program is like, and if they would take her halfway through the year.

When the hell did it come to preschool? I just brought my baby home, right? Good grief. The thought of her going to dance class by herself is enough to bring me to tears. That's right - dance class. On her own. I cried about it last week. She is already almost a year younger than the rest of the girls in her current, parent-assisted dance class, so I expected her teacher to recommend that she do the same class again in the fall. The thing is, she has caught up with her peers, and even excelled beyond them in certain areas. She will go to the next level in September, which both delights and scares me. When others always used to say "they grow up too fast," I would always scoff. Life was slow! I know now what they meant. Seedling will be 9 months next week, and he is signing, crawling, standing, walking around furniture, saying "Mama" and "Dada", and getting so big!

Cross your fingers, wish me luck, and all that jazz for tonight, please. I don't want to walk into the room and burst into tears, but it might just happen. And for those of you with children, give them an extra snuggle today, especially if they are under one. That first irreplaceable year blew by in an instant with Sprout, and I find myself 3/4 of the way through already with Seedling. Sigh. Also, perhaps...cross your fingers that Sprout doesn't have some kind of meltdown or say something inappropriate that will ruin our chances of getting into the school. She's been on a 'penis' and 'vagina' rant lately (hilarious blog about that coming up soon), and I don't think they would appreciate it. Although, probably better than what some people teach their kids to call their private areas (blog about that, too). Enjoy your evening, and don't forget to think about those precious first moments you held that baby in your arms. I know I will.

Love you, my sweet baby boy and beautiful, precocious big girl. You will always and forever be my babies.

xoxoxo

Mommy

Oh, the places your body parts will go...

I've talked about this before, but I have to tell this story because it has to do with something that I have had many conversations about recently. Let's just cut to the chase - having babies wrecks your body. It doesn't matter what you thought of yourself before, adding bulk, stretch marks, and increasing sag (in the worst areas possible) really doesn't do wonders for a woman's self-esteem.

I've tried to tell myself that my stretch marks are 'battle scars', and that everything my body went through was all for love. That all might be true, but it doesn't make it any easier to look at myself in a mirror. Everyone keeps saying, "Who are you trying to impress? It's not like you weigh 500lbs," but it's not even that. I am trying to impress MYSELF. I am trying to feel some sort of connection to who I was before I had children. I look different, I feel different...and some of it is a positive change, for sure, but not all of it.

I recently took a trip to Victoria's Secret to attempt to rid myself of the 'I look terrible without clothes on' stamp that I had placed on every inch of my body (that I could see in a mirror or otherwise). The last time I went to VS was after I had Sprout, when they told me that I had gone up 2" around my ribcage, and down 2 cup sizes. OUCH. Not what I wanted to hear. So, you can imagine that I was a wee bit nervous to have myself measured by their 'professionals'.

*Side note: I actually did not go up in the ribs or down in my cup size - their idiot saleslady measured me incorrectly, thus killing my self-esteem and walking my sad, sagging chest right out of that store.

Let's just say this time was different. I was sized the exact same as I was even prior to both of my children, which made me pull my shoulders back a bit with pride. Ha. Eat that, breastfeeding. Even though you look sunken and terrible, you're still all there...somewhere. And then there was that glorious moment when I hooked the back together and pulled up the straps of a lacy, sparkly pushup bra. Yowza. Like, yowza. I swear, my jaw was on the floor of the dressing room, and even my boobs looked shocked. They were staring me in the face with this look of "WOW. We definitely still have it." As embarrassing as it is to admit, I actually rang the little white doorbell and called my saleslady back to the room 'just to make sure it fit properly'. Mmph. I just had to hear it from someone else. And the underwear. They fit low enough to not make me look like a mom, but high enough to cover the nasty bits that usually hung out (and they covered some of my worst stretch marks).

Ahhhh. I really recommend heading to VS if you're feeling even remotely bad about your postpartum body. I guarantee they've got something in their store that can make you feel a little less grossed out by those saggy bits, and if you're like me, you might be lucky enough to rediscover that under all those 'side effects' of having a baby, you still have a decent rack of lamb going on. It's vain and ridiculous, I know, but I honestly feel better wearing a pretty bra and undies that fit properly. Sure, it all comes undone when they come off, but for a moment when I get undressed for the night, I can actually look myself in the eye in that dressing mirror and feel...like me. Who knew that it would be that simple to get a part of myself back.

So I've been ranting and raving about my experience, and I figured I should probably share. Don't ask me which bra and which underwear, because I have zero idea what they are called (dumb, in retrospect, because I don't know what to look for when I go back). They are fantastic, and I can't say enough about how positive my experience with their salespeople was this time as well. If you go, I wish you luck - and I hope that you find something that makes you feel as beautiful outside as you are on the inside. I know I did.

Thanks for reading. Sprout and Seedling, I apologize for blogging about my undergarments and my body parts. Sometimes, Mommy just needs a little something for herself. I love you so dearly, and know that I would 'ruin' my body again and again for you both in a heartbeat if given the chance. I'm just so happy I've found a way to put it back together again! Keep snoozing, my sweethearts. Lots of fun things planned this afternoon...

xoxoxo

Mommy