I've talked about this before, but I have to tell this story because it has to do with something that I have had many conversations about recently. Let's just cut to the chase - having babies wrecks your body. It doesn't matter what you thought of yourself before, adding bulk, stretch marks, and increasing sag (in the worst areas possible) really doesn't do wonders for a woman's self-esteem.
I've tried to tell myself that my stretch marks are 'battle scars', and that everything my body went through was all for love. That all might be true, but it doesn't make it any easier to look at myself in a mirror. Everyone keeps saying, "Who are you trying to impress? It's not like you weigh 500lbs," but it's not even that. I am trying to impress MYSELF. I am trying to feel some sort of connection to who I was before I had children. I look different, I feel different...and some of it is a positive change, for sure, but not all of it.
I recently took a trip to Victoria's Secret to attempt to rid myself of the 'I look terrible without clothes on' stamp that I had placed on every inch of my body (that I could see in a mirror or otherwise). The last time I went to VS was after I had Sprout, when they told me that I had gone up 2" around my ribcage, and down 2 cup sizes. OUCH. Not what I wanted to hear. So, you can imagine that I was a wee bit nervous to have myself measured by their 'professionals'.
*Side note: I actually did not go up in the ribs or down in my cup size - their idiot saleslady measured me incorrectly, thus killing my self-esteem and walking my sad, sagging chest right out of that store.
Let's just say this time was different. I was sized the exact same as I was even prior to both of my children, which made me pull my shoulders back a bit with pride. Ha. Eat that, breastfeeding. Even though you look sunken and terrible, you're still all there...somewhere. And then there was that glorious moment when I hooked the back together and pulled up the straps of a lacy, sparkly pushup bra. Yowza. Like, yowza. I swear, my jaw was on the floor of the dressing room, and even my boobs looked shocked. They were staring me in the face with this look of "WOW. We definitely still have it." As embarrassing as it is to admit, I actually rang the little white doorbell and called my saleslady back to the room 'just to make sure it fit properly'. Mmph. I just had to hear it from someone else. And the underwear. They fit low enough to not make me look like a mom, but high enough to cover the nasty bits that usually hung out (and they covered some of my worst stretch marks).
Ahhhh. I really recommend heading to VS if you're feeling even remotely bad about your postpartum body. I guarantee they've got something in their store that can make you feel a little less grossed out by those saggy bits, and if you're like me, you might be lucky enough to rediscover that under all those 'side effects' of having a baby, you still have a decent rack of lamb going on. It's vain and ridiculous, I know, but I honestly feel better wearing a pretty bra and undies that fit properly. Sure, it all comes undone when they come off, but for a moment when I get undressed for the night, I can actually look myself in the eye in that dressing mirror and feel...like me. Who knew that it would be that simple to get a part of myself back.
So I've been ranting and raving about my experience, and I figured I should probably share. Don't ask me which bra and which underwear, because I have zero idea what they are called (dumb, in retrospect, because I don't know what to look for when I go back). They are fantastic, and I can't say enough about how positive my experience with their salespeople was this time as well. If you go, I wish you luck - and I hope that you find something that makes you feel as beautiful outside as you are on the inside. I know I did.
Thanks for reading. Sprout and Seedling, I apologize for blogging about my undergarments and my body parts. Sometimes, Mommy just needs a little something for herself. I love you so dearly, and know that I would 'ruin' my body again and again for you both in a heartbeat if given the chance. I'm just so happy I've found a way to put it back together again! Keep snoozing, my sweethearts. Lots of fun things planned this afternoon...
xoxoxo
Mommy
