#1: Why didn't anyone tell me that I would feel so much guilt after I had my kids? It is a little ridiculous, and if you're already a parent, you'll understand exactly what I mean. What's that? You bought yourself a pair of jeans? That money could have gone in your child's college fund. GUILT. Oh? You had a bit of a mommy-meltdown and yelled a little too much today? GUILT. You desperately want to get out of the house and have a night to yourself? Aren't you supposed to want to spend all of your time with your kids? GUILT. It's bullshit, really. Nobody told me how often and how much this parental guilt would pop up. Don't get me wrong, it's still worth it. Crap. Now I feel guilty for complaining about all the guilt.
#2: Why didn't anyone tell me that society makes you feel like a shitty parent. ALL the time. Social media is the worst, because you will see pictures of your friends' super clean houses and wicked awesome Pinterest crafts with some sort of monthly or weekly (or daily, for the super-achievers) theme. You'll wonder why on earth it's 3:45pm, you're still in your bathrobe, your kids are having their 30th screaming match of the afternoon (since they woke up from nap at 3:30pm), and somehow you forgot about the wet laundry in the washer last night. Oh, and you'll probably be having scrambled eggs and toast for supper, because you totally forgot to plan anything. Again, I have super-mom days where the house is spotless (kind of), the kids have played nicely (sort of), and there have been crafts, and baking, and I could post (and probably have) mom-brag photos of it all. Don't worry. Those days happen maybe once a week, if I'm really lucky. And don't get me started on the looks of disdain and/or pity in the middle of Costco when my kids are playing meltdown-tag on rotation. People suck. Whenever I see a mom bravely marching through the grocery store, ignoring the screams of her indignant preschooler in the shopping cart, I smile. Give the nod of approval, even. If I see a parent choosing to walk right out of the store, dragging a limp-noodle, bellowing toddler behind him/her, again, I might just laugh or shrug my shoulders. Do you know why? We've all been there as parents. If you haven't yet, you will someday. Be ready for it. The looks of "control your child" OR "oh, that poor, poor woman who can't control her kids..." are enough to make me want to throw something. It has seemed to get better with time, but most people we encounter during our tantrummy outings still suck.
#3: Why on earth is it so incredibly hard to figure out what to do when your kids start hitting the dreaded school-age? Okay, okay. It really wasn't going to be that difficult before we moved to the farm.
Prior to our move, we had things all planned out. Our kids were going to go to the private Christian school that was less than 10 minutes from where we lived. It was an awesome school, great push for academics, etc. Morals, values, uniforms, and just...fantastic. So fast-forward to our move. Our options are now extremely limited, in comparison to what we had to choose from. A very small division school where the kids are separated in K-3, 4-6, and 7-9 respectively. Then they would bus into the next small town for high school. Not ideal. I don't love that my 4.5 year old would be in with 8 year olds in one classroom, not to mention the difficulty in delivering 4 separate curricula over the course of a year. I know there's some overlap in the early years, but wowzers. Just not something that I am comfortable with, and that's a personal thing. There are a few public elementary schools in the area, but I would have to drive Sprout every day, and I'm going to be totally honest - I was really missing the push for academics, morals, and values that the kids would have received at the private school back in SG. They're not bad schools, it's just...not what I envisioned.
So we started looking at the private/Christian schools in the area. There are a few. The best one (according to the PAT scores and Fraser reports) is the private school that my hubby went to. The problem with this is that, before we had kids, he swore he would never send his children to that school, because of the social issues he had when he went there. Regardless, after many discussions, we decided that would be the best thing, because it was closest to our original decision before we moved. I tossed and turned and had horrible dreams for weeks. Not kidding. Super stressed out, which seems silly, but it's so hard to know what the right decision is. I started thinking about the time spent on the bus (over 7.5 hours per week once they are in school full-time), the cost (almost $700/month just for elementary school, and just about $1000/month in high school), and the fact that because of those two elements, the kids would have zero opportunity to be involved in other things, like piano lessons, dance classes, gymnastics, hockey, etc. We wouldn't have the money OR the time. Which brings me to...
#4: Why didn't anyone tell me that my opinions on things could change COMPLETELY?
I was so anti-homeschooling until about six months ago, when we started talking about different options once we moved to the farm. I always thought that only crazy families homeschooled their kids, to keep them sheltered and weird (not unlike their parents, in many cases). I thought that homeschooled kids must all be weird and unsocialized, unable to attend college/university and really function well in society. Well...a lot has changed. The world of homeschooling has changed dramatically in the past 10-15 years, and there are so many amazing and different options and opportunities now. I have done months and months of research, reading articles, studies, polling people, interviewing homeschooled kids-turned-adults, and homeschooling parents. What I've found is this: there are wrong ways and right ways to homeschool. If you don't make your child's social/emotional education as much of a priority as their cognitive and motor development, you're probably going to end up with a child who doesn't understand how to function in our society. Also, I learned that the "weird kids" probably would have still been the "weird kids" in public school. Homeschooling would give my kids the opportunity to learn at their own pace, to learn through travel, to visit family and take more road trips, and to partake in more extracurricular activities.
So here's what we have decided to do, after so many nights staying up late talking, not sleeping, stressing out, etc: for one year, for Sprout's kindergarten year, we are going to try homeschooling. I think it's a fantastic opportunity to see if it works for all of us. She will be 4, turning 5. She would have almost been at the end of the cutoff if I sent her to school. We'll do it for a year, and if it doesn't work out (I hate it, if she hates it, or if it just simply doesn't feel right) we don't have to continue. Depending on where she is in September of 2015, she can either go to kindergarten, or she can start grade 1 in whatever school we decide to send her to. I am really hoping that it works out, though, because I really do believe in the benefits after all of the research we have done.
She is SUPER excited about the prospect of doing school at home, and being able to continue taking piano, dance classes, gymnastics, and even some new things (we're trying tee-ball this year...stay tuned for some hilarious updates about my clumsy, uncoordinated Sprout trying to hit/throw/catch a ball).
#5: The final thing that I wish someone would have told me is that you will make mistakes, and it's okay to make them. It's okay to try something and have to change it up if it doesn't work. You're not going to mess up the rest of their lives if you cloth diaper (or don't), bottle feed (or breast feed), dress them in regular clothes (or sleepers every day), try baby-led weaning (or feed them baby food from a jar), force them to go outside despite irrational fears of flying insects (or stay inside on the nicest days of the year because of said phobia), yell at them for something silly (or don't yell at them and laugh when they do something bad, but funny), or send them to school (or homeschool). Everyone's lives are different, and someone else's mistake could be a parenting victory for you.
This one's for you, Sprout. Thank you for helping me make such a difficult decision. I am looking forward to having at least one more precious year with you doing school at home, and the possibility of many more. I'm sure there will be a lot of good days and bad days, but we'll be in it together, and I will always be here for you and your little brother. I cannot wait to see where this journey takes us next!
xoxoxo
Mommy
