If only I could freeze time for a little while...

Looking back over the past few weeks at the blog posts that I wrote at the very beginning - where I started, how far things have come in my life as well as Sprout's - I have been an emotional wreck. First birthdays are so exciting! There are so many amazing new things that your child is doing all the time, and though bittersweet, it is a happy event overall. Second birthdays, however...they seem to come with the realization of how quickly the time really does pass. I feel like I can hardly remember what it felt like to be pregnant that first time; my labour and delivery, the first six months at home with my beautiful baby girl, the first Christmas, first birthday...etc. I flipped through her scrapbook the other day, and I honestly cried. A big, ugly cry. Sobbing, tears, mascara, snot...it wasn't very pretty. On this momentous (and tearful) occasion then, I need to write my little princess her own birthday letter. Because, you know...it's tradition.

My dearest not-so-little, two-year-old Sprout,

What a crazy two years this has been for you! Can you believe that in two short years, you went from being a completely dependent tiny little baby to my big, independent, 'I do it myself', potty-trained beauty?! I can't even remember all of your accomplishments over the past year since your last letter - there have been way too many! All I know is how incredibly proud I am of you and all the leaps and bounds you have made.

Thank you for growing out of that silly super-aggressive phase. You have become such a sweet girl, and even though you don't really enjoy sharing your toys (and you really like to point out that things are 'MINE'), you have been so gentle with your little brother and all of your friends lately that it just makes Mommy's heart sing! I know that you still have your sassy personality - you tell me "I'm sassy, Mommy!" all the time - and I wouldn't trade that for anything, but you have been listening so well to Mommy (and Daddy) lately. It makes me so proud of you.

When I get the chance to just sit quietly on the sidelines and listen to you playing, or watch you singing or dancing with Monster, my heart is so full of pride and joy that I honestly feel like it might just burst. I never knew I would have so much room in my heart to love you and your little brother. You have the most incredible imagination for being two years old, and the craziest vocabulary (I just got told that your favourite word this morning was 'carnelian' - thanks, Gramma...), and you are learning all kinds of new things that you show me and tell me about every day.

You are the most beautiful little girl, and you and your brother make my days full of sunshine and happiness. I love nothing more than hanging out with the two of you day after day, reading books, playing games, learning, doing crafts, making meals (and treats - I know how much you love to bake with Mommy!) I wouldn't change a single thing about my life with you, and I hope that you know and understand to the fullest of your abilities how much you mean to me, and how much I love you.

I can't wait to see what the next year is going to bring. You are an amazing big sister to Seedling already, and I know that the older the both of you get, the more you will be able to play and interact. I am already so excited for next summer, even though the s-n-o-w has taken over our lives for another winter season. I couldn't imagine a more perfect daughter, Sprout. You are the child that I dreamt about for years before you finally came into my life. I love you more than I could ever express to you, and I just want to say a great big thank-you for being exactly who you are. You are beautiful, smart, funny, outgoing, witty, shy at the cutest moments, talented, and just all-around perfect. (How big is your ego going to be when you hit school if I keep this up? Oh, boy...) Thank you (and you too, Seedling) for having a great nap today so Mommy could write this letter for you to read when you get big enough. At the rate you're going, you'll probably be reading before you're three! I love you. Happy second birthday, my beautiful little Sprout.

xoxoxo

Mommy

Seedling.

As promised, here is one of two blog postings this week. Today marks my little Seedling's six month milestone, or half-birthday, if you will. Much like I did for my beautiful Sprout, here is a little letter to my handsome tiny man:

To my dearest Seedling on your half-birthday,

This has been an extremely emotional rollercoaster ride, and I don't imagine it is going to get any less crazy anytime soon. That being said, I wouldn't have it any other way. Through all of your ups and downs (and mine...I haven't forgotten yet...) in these first tumultuous months, you have grown into the most incredible, beautiful, happy - yes, HAPPY - little boy!

I am so proud of how much we have overcome together over the past half-year: keeping you safe in my tummy until your still-early arrival, insanely fast labour and delivery (thank you!), hypoglycemia in the hospital, jaundice, projectile vomiting...out your nose...with blood in it, GERD (acid reflux), choking and hospital visits, laryngomalacia, different meds, lots of doctor visits, breastfeeding, formula feeding, colic, 18 hour days of non-stop screaming, sleepless nights (and days)...the list could really go on and on. I don't want to talk about the things that made this journey difficult anymore. I am letting them go. We both had a rough transition after your arrival, but things are much different now, and I have been focused on the future now more than ever.

You have accomplished so much, and can do so many amazing things. You can sit on your own for a few minutes at a time already (stop trying to constantly eat your toes, and it might help with the 'folding in half and not being able to get up' issue), you have incredibly strong legs - and always want to jump and stand, you can roll over from your back to your tummy (and back again), you can drink out of a sippy cup on your own, eat a Mum-Mum cracker by yourself, you have tried (and loved) so many new foods that I have lost count, you can play 'peekaboo' with your sister (and parents too) with a stuffed animal or blankie, and my personal favourite: you have learned to blow raspberries. Like you really needed another way to get drool out of your mouth in a more efficient manner. (Seriously. I'm running out of bibs.)

The best thing that has happened though? You are a happy baby! Finally! You are always smiling and laughing at the tiniest things, and it seems to take absolutely nothing to get a grin out of you, or one of your adorable giggles. I am so glad that you are growing out of the things that made you such a miserable little mite for the first 3-4 months, and that everyone around you is now able to enjoy how wonderful you are, and really fall in love with you.

It took Mommy a long time, Seedling, to feel that connection or bond between the two of us. I assume it probably felt the same way for you - I was your Mommy, but I wasn't very present at the beginning. It all feels like it was a blur, and I went through it wearing fogged glasses. I couldn't be happier now, and I cannot wait to see what the next six months brings, and watch you continue to grow and develop into the cute little monster I already see coming forth! I love you wholeheartedly, and it makes me so happy to be able to say that to you. You and your sister are my world, tiny Seedling. Every day, every minute, every second. None of it goes by without me thinking about you and how much I love being your Mommy. I am so proud of the beautiful little boy you have become, and how much joy you bring into everyone's life and hearts.

Your little ears must have been burning, because I can hear you babbling up in your crib, chewing on what sounds like your soother or your hands. I am coming to pick you up now, and will hold you in my arms for a few extra minutes today (I know you're already spoiled with too many snuggles, but I just can't help myself!). Thanks for giving me time to write this on the actual day. I love you, Seedling.

xoxoxo

Mommy

What the xylophone is a yellow zebra?

I'm absolutely cheating on the last four letters of my crazy long alphabet blog. Why? Because, as of next week, my little Sprout will be TWO years old, and my growing Seedling will be SIX months old!! I can't believe how much has changed, and how the time has flown. So I'm cheating. Don't hold it against me, okay?

W is for Wowzers. And the rest just follows suit.

Everyone I know told me that the first six months after Seedling was born would be the most difficult. It would be a rough adjustment for everyone in the family, and I would probably hate being a mother until it was over. I laughed it off every time someone told me the same thing, usually saying something along the lines of "Oh...you know, I'm sure it will be awesome. I had such an easy time adjusting after Sprout was born, and I love being a mom. I don't think anything will really change much, we'll just have another tiny mouth to feed!" Oh, boy...was I ever wrong.

If you've been following along, you know all the issues we've had in the last year: pregnancy complications, sick baby, aggressive toddler, postpartum depression, etc, etc. I used to think that if I would have known how much life was going to change, I would never have had my kids so close together. Now that almost six months has passed, I can honestly say I wouldn't change a thing.

The 'wowzers' is basically attributed to the fact that I can't believe how hard I hit rock bottom, and how quickly things have turned around. To an outsider, maybe six months is a long haul, but to me it feels like minutes, and my terrible pregnancy feels like it lasted for seconds. Factor in Seedling's under-2-minute delivery, and you can imagine how split-second THAT one feels. I can hardly remember the last half of this year!

Coming up on the half-birthday for Seedling and the second birthday for my sweet little Sprout, I have been feeling super emotional. This has been the most difficult, most rewarding, happiest, saddest, rollercoaster ride...I couldn't have even surmised where I would be today three years ago when I got pregnant for the first time, and subsequently miscarried. Since then, life has turned upside down and inside out, and I am definitely feeling overwhelmed looking back. Those who were at Sprout's birthday last year know that not only did I not cry, I actually announced my being pregnant with Seedling to family and friends at her party. It was a joyous and momentous occasion, despite morning sickness and a crazy cold that attacked our family the week of her birthday.

Here we are again. I'm gathering the last-minute things for Sprout's party this week. We're going a bit more low-key, less people, less chaos. She's already in the attitude of 'two going on twelve', so I don't want to stir the pot by having it be way too much craziness the day of her party. I will be blogging next week (birthday letters for both of my lovies) about the party, etc, so I won't go into it too much now, other than to say...man, I'm a sap right now. I can barely even handle typing this without starting the waterworks flowing.

When I look at how much Sprout & Seedling love each other, my heart just melts. No matter what I went through, no matter what either of them went through, one glance at the two of them goofing around and listening to the resulting peals of laughter from both is enough to remind me that God certainly has a way with timing. The unconditional love of a child for his or her parents is one thing to behold - it is an amazing feeling to have them snuggle into you and know that you are the one who makes them feel safe and adored - but to watch the love blossom and grow between two siblings is a spectacle all on its own. Sure, they still drive me crazy sometimes (although, after saying "You know, you make me crazy!" to Sprout this week, she retorted with "You make me mental, Mommy!"), but on the whole, most of our days are spent happily interacting together.

Okay, end of the alphabet. Done. Hooray! I totally cheated, but I feel okay about it. If anyone wants to complain, find a suitable topic for me to write about that starts with the letter 'x'. All I really wanted to say today is how much better things have gotten, and how astounded I am with my children. I love them more than I can ever express, and now that I'm feeling less crazy, I definitely love being a mom yet again, which I definitely couldn't imagine six months ago.

I can't wait to celebrate both of your milestones with you this next week, my beautiful Seedling & Sprout!! Thank you so much for all your love, and for napping at the same time today so that Mommy could have some much-needed time to blog! Sweet dreams, my prince & princess.

xoxoxo

Mommy