Questioning.

I find myself often stressing about things that really shouldn't matter, in the grand scheme of life. I think we all do it - we discover that something is out of place or not happening as it should, and we freak out. Why do we do it? Does it really matter if the laundry is piled in baskets on my bedroom floor instead of put away in my closet and dresser? I had a bit of an epiphany today about my house and its lack of tidiness. Not that I am not a clean person - my house is always clean (especially my floors - I do have a toddler and a dog) - but there always seems to be clutter around and odds and ends that never seem to be finished (ie. Laundry, dishes, mail sitting around, etc.)

Life is too short to constantly spend all of my 'spare time' cleaning. If my house was completely spotless all the time, it would be because I never took any time out for myself during the day. Maybe I take too much time - there were a few weeks where supper (not for Sprout, she always gets fed healthy and nutritious, yummy meals) was...lacking. I'm not going to lie, a few boxes of KD and cans of Alpha Ghetti were greedily devoured by my dear husband and I. Not the healthiest thing when I'm pregnant, I know. I usually take time during my day to ensure that I at least snack healthily (apples, peppers, cucumber, oranges) and take my vitamins.

All that chatter brings me to the letter 'Q'.

'Q' is for Questioning

So I'm questioning my constant need to be stressed out about what people are going to think if my house is a little cluttered and the dishes aren't done. Sure, it's a lot more functional when it's clean, but I honestly don't really notice it when it's not. Again, I'm not talking about keeping the counters, floors, toilets, sinks, etc. clean. I'm talking about the fact that my bookshelf has been taken over by a shelf of diapering supplies, another shelf of photo boxes in front of books, another shelf with random 'stuff' on it...sigh. I'm tired of looking at it and thinking I should do something about it, so I've finally decided to give in to what I know - I'm not an organized person. Clutter is a part of my life, and a part of my home.

Part of me feels guilty, because I should be setting an example for Sprout as she gets older, but maybe it will prompt her to want that kind of organization in her life. My mother and sister are both crazy cleaners. Everything has to have its place, everything has to be put away, everything has to be cleaned. All the time. Now, I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's just...not me. My husband and I are a bad combination, because he grew up in a super cluttered house - and not even just clutter...things got...well...a little bit hoarded. It's gotten better even in the last 6-7 years that I've been around to witness things changing, but I know that he grew up with having to do the basics: laundry, dishes, bathrooms, kitchen. Just the things that needed to be done to make the house clean, not necessarily looking spotless and organized. My MIL has a sign in her house that says "My house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to feel lived in." I love it.

Do I ever worry about Sprout eating something she has dropped on my floor? Absolutely not. The dog's paws get wiped when she comes in the house, and I am constantly battling my hairball/dust bunnies with the Norwex mop and the Dustbuster (have I mentioned how much I LOVE my Dustbuster? Couldn't live without it.) so my floors are fairly germ and dust-free. Stress isn't anyone's friend, and I find that when I start to stress about things that really don't matter, it affects everything: my relationship with my husband, my patience with Sprout, my ability to kick back and enjoy this pregnancy and life in general.

I'm raising a glass today to all the moms with cluttered houses who can honestly just give in to the fact that their homes will probably always be cluttered. A toast (of sparkling cider) to all of you who can join me in taking an afternoon break to read a book, eat a bowl of ice cream, write in a journal, or watch a movie or daytime TV show - anything that you can do to just enjoy life and the small things that contribute to our overall happiness. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, and I actually feel a little more motivated to make something better for supper (last night was actually really tasty...and healthy...except for all the garlic and butter!)

Enjoy your nap, Sprout. Mommy is kicking her swollen feet up on the couch to eat some ice cream and bond with Seedling, who is happily turning somersaults this afternoon. I'm sorry if I am a poor role model for you for tidiness, but I hope that you will learn something else from me: sometimes you just need to relax and enjoy life. We all spend so many years working our asses off both at work and at home, and stress about everything in our lives. For what? That's the question I'm asking you today. I love you with all of my heart, Sprout, and even the time that I'm taking out for myself is really for you, so that I can focus my energy on being a better, more relaxed, more patient Mommy. Sweet dreams.

xoxoxo

Mommy

Par-tay!

Sprout at 12 months

Sprout at one day old!

Yummy birthday cupcake!

Beautiful Owl Cake

Daddy & Sprout in her birthday girl outfit

We've come to the letter 'P' finally, and after an agonizing 2 months of trying to blog my way here, I can finally write about Sprout's first birthday party! Birthdays are so bittersweet now, after watching my first child have her first special day. You're so proud of all of their achievements and accomplishments in their first year, but it's one of those double-sided things. You want them to keep learning and changing and growing, but you want to hit the pause button for a while and just stay with them in this adorable phase of cuddly, stumbling, talking cuteness.

Owls have always been a huge part of Sprout's first year. Her nursery is decorated in an Enchanted Forest (check out www.lambsivy.com for the bedding and nursery set) theme, and from the first day we brought her home, we took a picture each month with her stuffed owl that belongs to the nursery set to mark her growth. So it wasn't a huge surprise that we decided on a pink and brown owl-themed party. A wonderful friend of my mom's from work made the most beautiful cake for Sprout, and I made cupcakes with pink and cream frosting with little owl cutouts on toothpicks stuck in the top. She wore an owl sweater, black leggings, and a pink pettiskirt. The only downsides to the day? The weather was awful, and both Sprout and I had come down with a horrible cold. She woke up in the morning and laid on my chest on the couch and cried for the first 20 minutes. Thank goodness she is a resilient little thing - cake, treats, and presents really perked her up!

I was extremely proud of the fact that I did NOT cry at her party. I did cry on her actual birthday, and I definitely had a good cry afterwards. The first year goes by so quickly, and the fact that she has a brother or sister coming along in only 4-5 months just makes it even more meaningful. I wanted to hold on to the baby phase for as long as I could, but she just flew right past! She was a spoiled, but very well-behaved little owl at her party, and I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful turnout of close friends and family. So nice to be able to celebrate with so many people. The only thing that she didn't cooperate with (which we had practiced for weeks beforehand, and which she asks to do with my house candles EVERY day now) was to blow out her first birthday candle, which I stuck in the top of her cupcake. She just stared at me like "what do you expect me to do with THAT?" I think she was confused, because she knew it was supposed to be a treat, but I was asking her to do something weird with a cupcake. Why would you have to blow on a cupcake?

Anyways, so another two months has passed, and Sprout is almost fully walking (I don't know if she'll ever toughen up and stop being such a chicken. She'll walk to me, and if I keep backing up, she will walk around the whole house! Little turkey.), and says well over 50 words on a regular basis now. She came up to me yesterday with the manger from the Little People nativity scene and the angel, and said "House. This (points to angel). On. Pleeeeeease." She blows my mind. The manger has a little peg on top where the angel sits, and then when you push it down, it lights up the star and sings "Silent Night". The fact that she can already structure that kind of sequence of words and express what she would like me to do (WITH manners) absolutely blows me away. I think my favourite new development (other than saying please and thank-you without always being prompted) has to either be her naming all of her colours, or the fact that she says 'love' now and gives herself a hug when you tell her to say 'love you'. And then blows a kiss. I am so thankful that I get to spend every day with her at home, watching her constantly learn and grow. I can't wait for the next stage of our family life, when this new little Seedling joins us and Sprout, and our lives change yet again.

I hear you talking to Iggy and Monster up in your crib...I suppose naptime is over, even though it hasn't been 2 hours...

Can't wait to throw your next party, Sprout. I'm already in the planning stages!

xoxoxo

Mommy

Oh...

It's been a long time again between blogs, and although I do have a few excuses (pregnancy, flu, baby measles), I still feel guilty. I should be making more time to do the things that I enjoy before I am completely bombarded with a newborn and a barely-toddler!

I'm stuck at home on a Saturday night with a sinus infection (thank you, flu) by myself (my husband is having a drunken slumber party with my brother-in-law and my cousin-in-law), and can't think of anything to do OR write. This brings me to the letter 'O'. What the heck starts with that letter? I can think of some particularly inappropriate ones, which would probably be deemed appropriate seeing as how my blog has 'uncensored' in the title. Ah, well. Maybe...this...

'O' is for 'Olfactory'

Yep. Another one of those nerdy medical words I picked up in school. Do you want to know what's weird? Not being able to smell or taste ANYTHING for days on end. I could literally be eating a piece of dog shit and not know the difference if I was blindfolded. It could be a brownie. Yuck. Even thinking about that makes me want to barf. Pregnancy is supposed to make your sense of smell extremely heightened, which it absolutely was before I got sick. Now, I can eat things I normally don't enjoy (but are good for me...), but who knows how long it is going to last.

One good thing about not being able to smell? Poopy diapers!! They don't normally bother me much, but sometimes...phew! It has been great to be able to change them without making a face or having to hold my breath. That's about the only good thing though. No sleep, not being able to eat properly because I have to chew with my mouth open...those are all things that make me look and feel REALLY classy.

Okay, so this blog officially sucks. I will try to blog more often in 2011, but with the way things have been lately, I think it will be on hiatus again for a little while. I'll think of something clever to write for the letter 'P'. I PROMISE. (Tee hee.)

Sorry, Sprout, Mommy's losing her touch. Maybe it's that sibling of yours eating my brain cells, or all the snot in my sinuses, but either way, I'm feeling a bit moronic myself lately. Time to make some popcorn and enjoy my solo Saturday night pity party. See you in the morning, Sprout.

xoxoxo

Mommy