Blogging, for me, is like getting together with that old friend that you haven't seen in a long time, and having a long-awaited venting session about all the good and bad things in your life that have been happening. Ahhh. Feels good.
It's been way too long since I last wrote. Not a lot has changed. Or...well...I guess it has. New jobs, new car, and seemingly new tiny personalities in my house. Seedling has made the shift from baby to toddler, full-on. He has toddler-sized clothes, a bigger than toddler-sized head (seriously, it's big), a pretty comprehensive vocabulary, and throws toddler-sized tantrums. That all being said, watching him change and grow into his newfound persona has been incredible. Now for the other child.
Sprout. Sigh. In the last month or so, I have watched my sweet, confident, outgoing, independent big girl regress into a bundle of spontaneous tears, clinginess, frightened of everything, shy (bordering on just downright rude...), completely dependent on Mommy for everything, not-herself little girl. My very wise, supermom sister once told me that there are the 'terrible twos', but then come the 'emotional threes'. It's a thing. I know it for sure, now. Sprout never really entered the 'terrible twos'. Sure, she had her sassy moments and still does, but two seemed to be more about asserting her independence and showing off how much she could really do on her own. She was extremely confident, self-assured, and proud. This whole bipolar personality switch has caught me and the hubs completely off guard.
Take, for example, today's shenanigans at dance class. Sprout LOVES dance class, and always has. She is in her second year, with the same teacher, at the same studio. Not anything different there; this is the 5th week of class, so she has been well-adjusted to there being new students and new material/routine to follow in the class. We were running late, and she eagerly put on her ballet slippers and dashed into class as soon as we arrived. I watched with Seedling proudly as she went through her pliés, rises, and port de bras with her tiny feet in perfect 1st position. She galloped, skipped, did her lifted walks and kicks wonderfully, and even demonstrated her skips across the floor by herself! All of a sudden, though, I was greeted at the door by her instructor, holding the hand of a sobbing, screaming Sprout.
**Now, I should take a moment and just say that Sprout did get talked to (by me) after last class, because she wasn't doing a good job of listening to her instructor. But we talked about it, she agreed that she needed to listen, and it was done with.**
Okay, back to the story. Sprout rushed into my arms and I asked her what was wrong. All she could get out between sobs was that she wanted to go home, and she had gotten in trouble. I had been watching, and I knew that she hadn't done anything that would warrant her getting bawled out, but I thought "Hmm...well...there was last week...and I was paying attention to Seedling right before she came out...". Her instructor came out to check on her, and ask what had happened (she seemed as taken aback as I was), and said that she hadn't done anything, just burst into tears when they got into a circle to sing one of their songs. Then, I got frustrated. This was the same thing that had been happening everywhere we went.
At Sunday school, she sat in the corner and wouldn't listen or participate at all. At our weekly playgroup/class, she sat on my lap and refused to even look at or talk to anyone else. We had friends over for her this past week - she played by herself. Every day, it seemed there was something that set her off and had her crying at different points throughout the day. She has been withdrawn, clingy, emotional, and just not herself, and I can't figure out why. Hard not to lose your patience, right? Maybe there are some parents who can deal with these changes more easily, but I know that I'm not alone when I say that IT SUCKS.
What I realized today, though, is that I don't think I am ever going to know exactly why her behaviour has changed. Kids go through all of these different changes and phases during their development, and they are usually just as thrown and frustrated as we are. Think about puberty - I know that I was both frustrated and confused with a lot of what was happening with my body and my emotions during that time, and I know I was definitely not alone in that. The most important thing in their lives is how we, their parents, react and help them through it all.
Encouraging Sprout to talk about what she felt before she started to cry, or the things that set her off and make her withdraw from interacting with others, will hopefully help her feel like she can talk to me - about anything. If all I do is get frustrated when she comes out of class crying, she is never going to trust me with the truth behind her emotions. Doesn't seem like a big deal now, but when she is a teenager, or an adult, it will be. Asking "Why are you so upset?" might not be the best tactic because she probably has no idea a lot of the time, but being positive and helping her understand different ways to express her feelings (like using an outlet, drawing, choosing colours that help show me how she feels), might aid her in feeling like she isn't trying to blindly scramble through this phase of her life alone.
Good grief, parenting is a learning curve. You think you have them figured out for a minute, and then they change. I am so thankful to have such amazing friends and family to help me help them through life. I have said it before, and I will say it again: not only am I contributing to the growth and development of my children; they are also contributing to my own personal growth and development. Every day, I learn something different and new, and every day there is something else that pops up as a potential struggle. Some days I feel beaten down, and other days, I feel like I couldn't be more alive. It's a rollercoaster, that's for sure.
Seedling, you are growing into such a special little boy. I watch with amazement each day at all the different things you are learning, and love all the lessons you are teaching me. I am proud and honoured to be your Mommy.
Sprout. My first-born, beautiful, big girl. You will be turning 3 in less than a month, and that day will be extremely bittersweet. 3 soon turns into 4, and then 5, and then school years start to fly by. I know, I've been there. I'm trying to hold onto your tiny years, while still encouraging you to spread your wings and take off to do more on your own. I'm not perfect, and I'm sorry that I get frustrated and lose my patience. I will do my best to help you get through whatever this horrible phase is. Please make it a short one. (That plea was more of a prayer, not really a plea for you). You are so bright and beautiful, mischievous and sassy, loving, generous, and caring. I hope that none of that ever changes.
**I could use a little less sassy sometimes though**
xoxoxo
Mommy
