Questioning.

I find myself often stressing about things that really shouldn't matter, in the grand scheme of life. I think we all do it - we discover that something is out of place or not happening as it should, and we freak out. Why do we do it? Does it really matter if the laundry is piled in baskets on my bedroom floor instead of put away in my closet and dresser? I had a bit of an epiphany today about my house and its lack of tidiness. Not that I am not a clean person - my house is always clean (especially my floors - I do have a toddler and a dog) - but there always seems to be clutter around and odds and ends that never seem to be finished (ie. Laundry, dishes, mail sitting around, etc.)

Life is too short to constantly spend all of my 'spare time' cleaning. If my house was completely spotless all the time, it would be because I never took any time out for myself during the day. Maybe I take too much time - there were a few weeks where supper (not for Sprout, she always gets fed healthy and nutritious, yummy meals) was...lacking. I'm not going to lie, a few boxes of KD and cans of Alpha Ghetti were greedily devoured by my dear husband and I. Not the healthiest thing when I'm pregnant, I know. I usually take time during my day to ensure that I at least snack healthily (apples, peppers, cucumber, oranges) and take my vitamins.

All that chatter brings me to the letter 'Q'.

'Q' is for Questioning

So I'm questioning my constant need to be stressed out about what people are going to think if my house is a little cluttered and the dishes aren't done. Sure, it's a lot more functional when it's clean, but I honestly don't really notice it when it's not. Again, I'm not talking about keeping the counters, floors, toilets, sinks, etc. clean. I'm talking about the fact that my bookshelf has been taken over by a shelf of diapering supplies, another shelf of photo boxes in front of books, another shelf with random 'stuff' on it...sigh. I'm tired of looking at it and thinking I should do something about it, so I've finally decided to give in to what I know - I'm not an organized person. Clutter is a part of my life, and a part of my home.

Part of me feels guilty, because I should be setting an example for Sprout as she gets older, but maybe it will prompt her to want that kind of organization in her life. My mother and sister are both crazy cleaners. Everything has to have its place, everything has to be put away, everything has to be cleaned. All the time. Now, I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's just...not me. My husband and I are a bad combination, because he grew up in a super cluttered house - and not even just clutter...things got...well...a little bit hoarded. It's gotten better even in the last 6-7 years that I've been around to witness things changing, but I know that he grew up with having to do the basics: laundry, dishes, bathrooms, kitchen. Just the things that needed to be done to make the house clean, not necessarily looking spotless and organized. My MIL has a sign in her house that says "My house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to feel lived in." I love it.

Do I ever worry about Sprout eating something she has dropped on my floor? Absolutely not. The dog's paws get wiped when she comes in the house, and I am constantly battling my hairball/dust bunnies with the Norwex mop and the Dustbuster (have I mentioned how much I LOVE my Dustbuster? Couldn't live without it.) so my floors are fairly germ and dust-free. Stress isn't anyone's friend, and I find that when I start to stress about things that really don't matter, it affects everything: my relationship with my husband, my patience with Sprout, my ability to kick back and enjoy this pregnancy and life in general.

I'm raising a glass today to all the moms with cluttered houses who can honestly just give in to the fact that their homes will probably always be cluttered. A toast (of sparkling cider) to all of you who can join me in taking an afternoon break to read a book, eat a bowl of ice cream, write in a journal, or watch a movie or daytime TV show - anything that you can do to just enjoy life and the small things that contribute to our overall happiness. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, and I actually feel a little more motivated to make something better for supper (last night was actually really tasty...and healthy...except for all the garlic and butter!)

Enjoy your nap, Sprout. Mommy is kicking her swollen feet up on the couch to eat some ice cream and bond with Seedling, who is happily turning somersaults this afternoon. I'm sorry if I am a poor role model for you for tidiness, but I hope that you will learn something else from me: sometimes you just need to relax and enjoy life. We all spend so many years working our asses off both at work and at home, and stress about everything in our lives. For what? That's the question I'm asking you today. I love you with all of my heart, Sprout, and even the time that I'm taking out for myself is really for you, so that I can focus my energy on being a better, more relaxed, more patient Mommy. Sweet dreams.

xoxoxo

Mommy