Feeling funky?

After last week's episode of Glee, which the husband and I watched last night (thank you, PVR), I couldn't help but noticing that I've been feeling rather down and in a funk myself. Not as fun when the world around you doesn't break into song and dance every 10 minutes or so. I could do it on my own, but I think I might get thrown into a psych ward. Sure, my days do consist of many different songs and dances to entertain Sprout, but it's not quite the same.

I have no idea why I have been feeling so out of it lately. It's like I have no motivation anymore. I think that I have finally fallen victim to the hurried, busy life that I have created for myself over the past 7 months. All things considered, I'm pretty impressed that I have lasted until now.

Here's the shit I've had to deal with for the last little while (oh, listen to me whine...just for a little):

- Baby. Breastfeeding. Pumping incessantly. Doctors.

- Thyroid flareup. Hair loss. Mood swings.

- NO period. (NOT pregnant) Cramps for weeks.

- Going back to work at 3 months post-partum. BIG mistake.

- Teething. Screaming. Fever. Miserable baby. (This is a recent development)

- Giving dog away. Tolerating other annoying dog.

- Grandpa dying in the midst of Sprout's arrival and first two months.

- Money. Lack thereof. Stress.

- Taking on too much outside of baby and work.

I think I'm just burning out. I wouldn't call it depression, but more along the lines of exhaustion. Even the things that I normally love doing (singing, playing piano, guitar, writing, and a new development - sewing/crafting) seem tedious. All I want to do is take a nap! I'm having a hard time getting motivated to do the fun stuff, let alone clean the house. The days that I have to work in the evenings, I just want to sit around with Sprout (especially if she's in a mood) in my pj's until I absolutely have to shower and get ready. And then I go to work, and have to physically exert myself and scramble to get home before 10:30pm so I can pump and get to bed.

All of this is just me whining about life, and it's ridiculous, but isn't that what a blog is supposed to be about? Boring people writing boring journal entries about their boring lives? Who the hell reads this crap, anyways?

Wow, listen to me...and really, my life is not all that difficult. I constantly remind myself that I have the happiest, easiest baby I have ever met (most days), and that we are so lucky that the husband has such an amazing job, or else we would have lost our house when I was off on modified rest at 25 weeks. Life will always throw curveballs, and there will always be the "woe is me" days, but I have to throw aside all the self-pitying bullshit and be thankful for what I do have. My family is healthy and happy, and we have done an excellent job of taking care of Sprout so far. She is so beautiful, and extremely easygoing. Let's hope she keeps the laid-back personality into her teen years.

I can hear the soft tapping of fat raindrops on my windows now, and can smell that familiar damp scent wafting through my open ensuite window. Growing up in the city, the smell of rain differs much from the deliciously fresh top notes that arise from open fields of grass, wheat, or barley. We smell wet asphalt and we go "mmmm...". Gross, isn't it? But still...(sniffing).

Enjoy the extra ambiance during your nap, little Sprout.

xoxoxo

Mommy