The post I'll get in the most trouble for writing.

Ugh. I have been avoiding this post for a while now. I think it's finally time. Maybe you should read it through covered eyes? I know I probably will. I needed to get this out there though. Here goes nothing.

Have you heard the word 'entitled' lately? How about the words 'poor work ethic'? It seems like as time goes forward, I hear more and more of these types of words and phrases condemning the youth that are becoming 'adults' (I use the term very loosely) in our fractured world. In concurrence with that, I see a lot of other words in the news that pop up...like 'attachment parenting', 'positive discipline', 'no-zero policy', 'no chasing games at recess'. The list could go on forever, honestly. Why am I bringing all of these things up in one paragraph at the beginning of a blog (the second in the last week, I might add - patting myself on the sunburned back a bit), one might ask...because I believe they are directly related.

I'm sure I'm not the first one to blog about this, write about it, talk about it, or anything, but it is something that keeps coming up, and unless we (as parents and members of society in general) initiate some changes, there will inevitably be a huge decline in the general functionality of the generations that come after us.

These words and phrases are a problem. What is happening to our youth is a major problem. We live in a society that thrives on instant gratification, and tiptoes on eggshells around our children. It needs to stop. Actual parenting needs to happen. Not the 'I will never raise my voice, ground my children, stop them from bullying other kids because they're expressing themselves and their emotions' kind of parenting that I see on the playground. Parenting. Consequences. Not giving your children absolutely everything they want and allowing them to run your life, your schedule, etc. I'm not saying that your children's lives won't dictate your schedule and that you won't have to shuffle things in your life around them as they grow, but I don't think that saying no is a bad thing. I don't think that raising your voice is a bad thing. I don't think consequences are a bad thing for a child to learn.

Kids need to be allowed to play and get hurt sometimes to learn some responsibility for themselves. I'm not saying that if they're doing something dangerous, you should just let them do it and learn on their own ("Hey...Jimmy's playing with a really sharp knife and a set of matches...he'll figure it out, I guess..." - NO.), but they don't need someone standing over them 24/7, not allowing them to do anything for themselves. It doesn't WORK in the long-term. If you are constantly doing everything for your child, they'll never learn to do anything on their own. That includes their homework. Don't get me started on school. Seriously. The 'no-zero policy'? That is an absolute joke, and it makes me crazy just thinking about it. So kids can basically just do nothing now, pass and move on, and get rewarded for poor work ethic. If there is a child who is struggling, really struggling, and they try and give it their all, and they finally pass a class alongside a kid who didn't give a shit, flew under the radar, handed in a couple of assignments and also gets to move on...does that not just teach them that they did all of that work for absolutely nothing? How does that teach them about how the real world works?

I'm going to back up and talk about 'attachment parenting' and 'positive discipline'. While there are some definite plusses to both of these, I believe that the parents that have gone way overboard with it will continue to feed the generation that doesn't know how to do anything for themselves, and cannot take criticism, constructive or otherwise. There is a generation of kids who cannot take no for an answer (because someone has always said yes to them), expect everything to be handed to them without working (hello 'no-zero policy'), and want instant gratification - they never have to wait for a movie, tv show, or album to be released. It's online and able to be downloaded illegally weeks before its actual release date. Nobody has yelled at them (thank you, Orange Rhino blog lady), nobody has doled out actual consequences that mimic what they will deal with from day to day in their working and personal life as adults, and nobody has told them that they have to actually try to maintain relationships, friendships, etc. It takes effort.

Life.
Takes.
Effort.

It is rewarding. That is the saddest part to me about all of the changes and this entitlement that seems to be a growing disease. Not knowing the reward and the feeling of hard work finally paying off.

Parenting.
Takes.
Effort.

I'm still learning, every single day. I'm learning my limits, what works, what doesn't work, and that what worked today may not work tomorrow. I'm sure for a large number of people, the parenting tactics that are being thrown around today work very well for their children. Never say no, let them sleep with you until they outgrow either you or the bed, breastfeed them until they are 7 (I'm not against breastfeeding in general, although most of you know I hated it...this is just referring to the people who continue to breastfeed their children for more than 2-3 years), do all of their homework assignments for them, talk to their teacher about every test they do poorly on (because it must be the teacher's fault), let them have everything and anything they ever want (not need, want), and then send them off into the world and expect them to be able to function like the rest of us. I'm sure I will probably get a lot of people angry with this blog, because there are those out there that are really into 'attachment parenting' and 'co-sleeping' and 'late breastfeeding', and I'm not saying those are the sole reasons for what is happening, but I do think that this shift is not necessarily a good thing for our children as they move forward in their adult lives.


I love my kids. I would love nothing more than to cuddle them and coddle them all of the time.
I want to protect them. I don't want them to fail and feel poorly about themselves. I don't want them to feel like they had the parent who never gave them anything they wanted. That's not what I want.

I want to raise children who have respect for others.
I want my children to be kind to others.
I want them to be able to function without being completely dependent on me.
I want them to be confident, assertive, independent, in all of the best ways possible.
I want them to know that it's okay to lose your cool sometimes because it's human. You get the opportunity to apologize.
I want them to know that it is okay to fail, even if you have tried so hard that you feel like crumbling.
I want them to know the feeling that you get when you have worked so hard that you feel like crumbling, and it finally pays off.
I want them to know consequences for their actions.
I want them to know that love doesn't come from a store, and that it takes effort and time to grow.
I want them to be able to reciprocate that love, and learn to be patient about it.
I want so much more for them than what seems to be the trend in parenting lately.

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to judge. I don't think that if you are trying to not yell at your kids, that you should just yell at them. I just think everything about parenting right now is coming from this angle of 'shhhhh...don't poke the sleeping bear', if you catch my drift. Innocence should be protected. Children should be allowed to be children. Sigh. I've probably gotten myself into a heap of trouble already, so I should just stop. Know that if you meet me at the playground, and you're hovering over your kids, I'm not going to judge you or talk about you when I get home. That's not my style. I'll keep reading articles in parenting magazines that tell me I should be wearing my kids in a wrap until they are 4, and I will still think that it's ridiculous. For me. And as much as I won't judge, I will be sitting at home wondering and thinking if it really is all of the things I mentioned making kids into shitheads, or if it is just a huge coincidence that they all seem to be newsworthy at the same time. Parenting is just a game of roulette, when it all comes down to it, and we're choosing the numbers and colours we hope might end up working.

I hope there is a shift. I hope there are changes. I see little things floating around Facebook and Twitter. Comments from other parents who have a similar outlook. I talk to parents at the playground, the splash park, the library, dance class, gymnastics, and school who also feel the same way I do. I know I'm not alone in thinking my crazy thoughts. Here is my final plea:

Love your children. Love them enough to teach them how to function like responsible, well-adjusted adults once they're ready to flee the nest (can't think about that one yet - makes me sob). Love them enough to know that you don't have to follow a manual or someone else's idea of what kind of parent you should be (especially me lol). Love them enough to take matters into your own hands instead of always relying on what someone else is doing, and be the kind of adult and parent that you want them to grow up to be.

xoxoxo
C.