Time out.

Unreal. I cannot believe that it has been so long since the last time that I posted something new. I attended this fabulous event last year put on by Modern Mama South Edmonton called Mama Blogs, which was supposed to help inspire me to 'find my blogging voice'. I was indeed inspired, and determined to sit down and start blogging again, at least once per week. And then the summer happened. Fall followed. So did the longest winter I ever remember (I realize it's spring now, but really...have you looked outside? Winter wonderland out there).

I found myself in the middle of March, 2013, completely befuddled. Where did all of my time go? What happened to the rest of 2012? Did Christmas happen? I decided that I needed to sit down and have a long, hard look at what happened this past year. Basically, I needed to give myself a TIME OUT.

Life as a mother is busy, no matter how many children you have. As they start to grow and become more interested in sports, arts, and other activities, it just gets worse (or...better?). Right now, all I have to do is drive to preschool twice per week and dance once per week, and I feel like I'm always on the go. This year, though, with things being as busy as they have been, I feel like I have missed out on a lot.

I shouldn't complain about the fact that I have a few different jobs that allow me to stay home during the days with my kids and work evenings and weekends. But I'm going to anyway. You see, I think that being home during the day with my kids is extremely important. I will always strive to find a way that we can survive financially with me being a stay-at-home-sometimes mom. The issue with what I have been doing is this: missed FAMILY time.

Work has taken me to three different pathways this year: practicing massage in the city through a fabulous physiotherapy clinic, continuing to build my own home practice, and instructing dance. I love all three of those pathways; however, they have brought me to a point where I am now working at least 6 days per week, if not 7. And by days, I mean evenings and weekends.

What does that leave me with? Amazing bonding time with my children during the day? Well, to be honest, I have been so burned out that my 'bonding time' has consisted of me often using the TV to distract the kids while I work on choreography and lesson planning, or sewing towels for a customer (oh yeah...another job...), and when they ask me to play, I usually lay down on the floor and play the "Mommy's pretending to take a nap" game, and tell them to tiptoe so they don't awaken the beast. My patience has dwindled and dwindled down to almost nothing. I have a very difficult time being present, even though I am here. I want so badly to be the fun, easygoing mom who has boundless energy and ideas for playing and making their days at home memorable ones. I feel like I am failing them, and myself.

Let's not even mention the relationship aspect of things, or taking time out for my own hobbies and things that I enjoy. Really. I shouldn't. Because it's going to make me sound extremely bitter. Because I am.

Am I ungrateful for the opportunities that I have been presented with? NO! I am so grateful everyday that I can work so my children can take part in the extracurricular programs they want to, and that we can afford to send them to a great school. Do I feel a little overwhelmed? That might be the understatement of the year.

My relationships have suffered this year, with my husband, my children, and even myself. I have become very disconnected with my family, and made the executive decision that THINGS NEED TO CHANGE! So here are the changes I am making:

1. Making my home clinic the priority in terms of my job. I am putting in more time and effort into careful marketing and promotions. That is the reason we built our house in the location it is, and the main reason we even finished our basement.

2. Scheduling time for my family. As sad as that sounds, if I don't do it, I know it won't get done with the way things are right now. Whether it is an afternoon at the pool, or a day where we take the kids out and do whatever they want to do, it needs to happen more often than it has been. All of us, together as a family.

3. Scheduling time for my marriage. Honestly. A date night once a month might be nice. Or once every 2 months. Once every 6 months would be more than it has happened this year. I understand now how people can look at each other when their kids move away after school and say "Hello...who are you, again?"

4. Less evenings and weekends away. No matter WHAT. This means huge financial changes for us. I am giving up my dance instructing job in July, and while it breaks my heart because it has been one of the most rewarding and enjoyable positions I have ever held, I had to decide which job was taking the most time away from my family. I may also be cutting back the amount of out-of-house massages that I take in a week.

5. Getting back to being myself. As a mom, I know some of you will be able to relate to the feeling of losing yourself once you have a child/children. I used to sing. Compose. Dance. Perform. Write. My arts were my outlet, and I feel like I have completely lost sight of who I used to be, and who I still am, somewhere in there. I need to take time to do these things.

When my kids grow up, I want them to be able to look back and remember the early days of being at home with me. Even if it is only a couple snippets of memories here and there, I want them to be good ones. The kind of feelings that you get when you hear a song that reminds you of a wonderful time in your life. I want them to remember what their mom and dad were like together - what the relationship was like, so that they have something positive to model their own future relationships after. I want to be able to look back in 20 years with B and say that I put as much into my kids' early years as I could. I want them to be able to say that I taught them patience, kindness, love, respect, and everything that a parent should.

Praying it all turns out. Sorry, kids. No more pizza Fridays for a while. Well...at least not this Friday.

xoxoxo
Mommy

Who's emotional about being 3?

Unbelievable how quickly the time rushes by after the first year of your first child's life. It really did feel like I was always waiting and anticipating her next developmental stage, cheering on every head lift, sit up, step, and word. Now, I find myself constantly wondering where the time went and praying that I haven't missed anything important. Gone are the days of journaling her every move, videotaping each cute phrase and wiggle-dance. Sure, I am still a snap-happy mama - I love capturing each and every moment, mostly because I am forgetful and I don't want to lose any moment, eyes closed, silly face, or otherwise.

I read somewhere recently (forgive me, like I said, forgetful...) that at the ripe old age of three, children begin to develop fears about the world around them. They realize that sometimes shadows in the dark are more than shadows. Their imaginations create scary scenarios in their heads filled with dragons and monsters and the like. They also have the capacity to realize their own mortality, usually after watching a film, reading a story, talking with friends, or the death of a family member, friend, or pet. That's a huge thing to deal with in such a new little mind. I wish that they didn't lose their innocent feelings of immortality as children. Not saying they should think they are invincible and jump off of the slide at the park, but I just wish that they could stay in the little safety bubble a while longer without becoming engrossed in fears and worries about their lives and the world around them.

I should cut to the chase - I've been super emotional about Sprout turning three. So much so, in fact, that I have put off writing her birthday letter until now because every time I thought about it, I started to cry. But, nonetheless, even though I am emotional about it (and so is she...like a teenager), here it is.

My dearest, beautiful, big girl,

You take my breath away every day in so many amazing ways: you make me laugh so hard it hurts, you make me hold my breath and count to ten (yes, that's when I'm mad), you make me sit with my jaw on the floor while I am constantly blown away by your comprehension, vocabulary, and intelligence (you've been reading words lately of your own accord - mind-boggling).

I could sit and list all of the things you have done that I am proud of you for in the last year, but I would be here forever. The big highlights have been watching you grow in your love of dance, observing as you have become the most wonderful and loving big sister a little brother could ask for, and listening to your imagination grow and grow. My favourite story you made up recently went a little like this: "Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a baby unicorn who was super beautiful and had a magic unicorn horn. Her name was Cass, just like you! She lived in a big beautiful castle with her Mommy unicorn, and they played every day and loved each other forever and always, just like me and you." I had to write it down, because it made my heart so incredibly happy.

I could never have dreamed of a better daughter. You are perfect in every way, and I hope that I am doing a good enough job raising you. Sometimes, I feel guilty having been given someone so special and such a big responsibility in helping you grow up right. Please forgive my tired days and my grouchy days. I try not to let those emotions run into our time together, but I know they inevitably do - you are amazingly perceptive for a 3 year-old, and you always know if I am a little off (which you almost always try to cure with a hug and a kiss). Please know that you are so important to me, and that you have the sweetest and most caring heart.

I love you so much, Sprout, and I hope that you have a fantastic year being three! I can't wait to see what adventures God will throw our way in the next 11.5 months! Sweet dreams, baby girl.

xoxoxo
Mommy

Well hello, old friend.

Blogging, for me, is like getting together with that old friend that you haven't seen in a long time, and having a long-awaited venting session about all the good and bad things in your life that have been happening. Ahhh. Feels good. 

It's been way too long since I last wrote. Not a lot has changed. Or...well...I guess it has. New jobs, new car, and seemingly new tiny personalities in my house. Seedling has made the shift from baby to toddler, full-on. He has toddler-sized clothes, a bigger than toddler-sized head (seriously, it's big), a pretty comprehensive vocabulary, and throws toddler-sized tantrums. That all being said, watching him change and grow into his newfound persona has been incredible. Now for the other child. 

Sprout. Sigh. In the last month or so, I have watched my sweet, confident, outgoing, independent big girl regress into a bundle of spontaneous tears, clinginess, frightened of everything, shy (bordering on just downright rude...), completely dependent on Mommy for everything, not-herself little girl. My very wise, supermom sister once told me that there are the 'terrible twos', but then come the 'emotional threes'. It's a thing. I know it for sure, now. Sprout never really entered the 'terrible twos'. Sure, she had her sassy moments and still does, but two seemed to be more about asserting her independence and showing off how much she could really do on her own. She was extremely confident, self-assured, and proud. This whole bipolar personality switch has caught me and the hubs completely off guard. 

Take, for example, today's shenanigans at dance class. Sprout LOVES dance class, and always has. She is in her second year, with the same teacher, at the same studio. Not anything different there; this is the 5th week of class, so she has been well-adjusted to there being new students and new material/routine to follow in the class. We were running late, and she eagerly put on her ballet slippers and dashed into class as soon as we arrived. I watched with Seedling proudly as she went through her pliés, rises, and port de bras with her tiny feet in perfect 1st position. She galloped, skipped, did her lifted walks and kicks wonderfully, and even demonstrated her skips across the floor by herself! All of a sudden, though, I was greeted at the door by her instructor, holding the hand of a sobbing, screaming Sprout. 

**Now, I should take a moment and just say that Sprout did get talked to (by me) after last class, because she wasn't doing a good job of listening to her instructor. But we talked about it, she agreed that she needed to listen, and it was done with.**

Okay, back to the story. Sprout rushed into my arms and I asked her what was wrong. All she could get out between sobs was that she wanted to go home, and she had gotten in trouble. I had been watching, and I knew that she hadn't done anything that would warrant her getting bawled out, but I thought "Hmm...well...there was last week...and I was paying attention to Seedling right before she came out...". Her instructor came out to check on her, and ask what had happened (she seemed as taken aback as I was), and said that she hadn't done anything, just burst into tears when they got into a circle to sing one of their songs. Then, I got frustrated. This was the same thing that had been happening everywhere we went. 

At Sunday school, she sat in the corner and wouldn't listen or participate at all. At our weekly playgroup/class, she sat on my lap and refused to even look at or talk to anyone else. We had friends over for her this past week - she played by herself. Every day, it seemed there was something that set her off and had her crying at different points throughout the day. She has been withdrawn, clingy, emotional, and just not herself, and I can't figure out why. Hard not to lose your patience, right? Maybe there are some parents who can deal with these changes more easily, but I know that I'm not alone when I say that IT SUCKS. 

What I realized today, though, is that I don't think I am ever going to know exactly why her behaviour has changed. Kids go through all of these different changes and phases during their development, and they are usually just as thrown and frustrated as we are. Think about puberty - I know that I was both frustrated and confused with a lot of what was happening with my body and my emotions during that time, and I know I was definitely not alone in that. The most important thing in their lives is how we, their parents, react and help them through it all. 

Encouraging Sprout to talk about what she felt before she started to cry, or the things that set her off and make her withdraw from interacting with others, will hopefully help her feel like she can talk to me - about anything. If all I do is get frustrated when she comes out of class crying, she is never going to trust me with the truth behind her emotions. Doesn't seem like a big deal now, but when she is a teenager, or an adult, it will be. Asking "Why are you so upset?" might not be the best tactic because she probably has no idea a lot of the time, but being positive and helping her understand different ways to express her feelings (like using an outlet, drawing, choosing colours that help show me how she feels), might aid her in feeling like she isn't trying to blindly scramble through this phase of her life alone. 

Good grief, parenting is a learning curve. You think you have them figured out for a minute, and then they change. I am so thankful to have such amazing friends and family to help me help them through life. I have said it before, and I will say it again: not only am I contributing to the growth and development of my children; they are also contributing to my own personal growth and development. Every day, I learn something different and new, and every day there is something else that pops up as a potential struggle. Some days I feel beaten down, and other days, I feel like I couldn't be more alive. It's a rollercoaster, that's for sure. 

Seedling, you are growing into such a special little boy. I watch with amazement each day at all the different things you are learning, and love all the lessons you are teaching me. I am proud and honoured to be your Mommy. 

Sprout. My first-born, beautiful, big girl. You will be turning 3 in less than a month, and that day will be extremely bittersweet. 3 soon turns into 4, and then 5, and then school years start to fly by. I know, I've been there. I'm trying to hold onto your tiny years, while still encouraging you to spread your wings and take off to do more on your own. I'm not perfect, and I'm sorry that I get frustrated and lose my patience. I will do my best to help you get through whatever this horrible phase is. Please make it a short one. (That plea was more of a prayer, not really a plea for you). You are so bright and beautiful, mischievous and sassy, loving, generous, and caring. I hope that none of that ever changes. 

**I could use a little less sassy sometimes though**

xoxoxo
Mommy

Summer Heat & The Art of Losing One's Temper

I recently complained to a friend about my son's crazy temper. At just shy of 14 months, he throws epic tantrums that outplay even those of Sprout's (she will be 3 in November of this year). In the midst of all of my complaining, I recalled a few incidents where I 'lost it' recently with my kids and husband, and my vision suddenly became clear.

Sure, I could blame it all on the summer heat - who isn't feeling a little stir crazy these days with this heat wave, as awesome as our pool days have been - but honestly...I'm going to go with the fact that I've just not been myself lately. It is amazing to me how much of an impact children and pregnancy/ies can have on your life. For example, I have now had to get my eyeglass prescription strengthened twice in the past year, supposedly because "having kids can greatly affect your eyes, you know....hormones and all that...", or so says my optometrist. Apparently having a baby can make your eyes shaped even  more like footballs (my prescription is mostly astigmatism). It really just made me think, and think hard.

Here's where this blog is going: to my friends who haven't had kids yet, or to anyone who is contemplating having children, I would like to share with you a few points that you might want to consider from both sides of the argument.

Having children is an amazing, wonderful thing. It will be the most challenging, yet most rewarding experience in your life. Why wait, right? Here's my thought on holding off, and it's one that I really want you to consider carefully - everything will change when you have a baby. Be prepared for it. If all of your thoughts on having children come up with giggles, ice cream sundaes, cute baby clothes, and snuggles, take a moment and stop. It IS that wonderful at times, but you need to understand the gravity and reality of the situation. Your whole life will change. I so looked forward to my first pregnancy, and for the most part, it really wasn't bad. Neither was delivery or labour. Neither was having a baby, in general. I came home with the easiest baby in the world (the first time), but it was still a huge adjustment. Emotions run crazy wild when you are in that first postpartum year, and no matter how well things go with the baby, your marriage or relationship will undoubtedly have its own challenges.

Financially, make sure you are ready. Everyone said that to me, and I thought we were good. I was planning on working until the bitter end, but I ended up going on partial bedrest for the last 6 weeks due to muscle tearing. I hadn't planned for that, and I also hadn't planned well for having no EI or maternity leave while I was off (self-employed...benefits and drawbacks). We put ourselves into major debt, and didn't learn the second time around. I feel like an idiot looking back, and now we will be struggling to keep afloat for years to come. If you want to travel, or just lay around on the couch on the weekends, do it now. If you want to spend some more time with your friends, do it now. Don't let your friends having kids influence you to start a family of your own. That is one of the worst reasons to decide to have a baby. Peer pressure is never a good idea, no matter how old you are. All this aside, I wouldn't change a thing about when we decided to have our first little Sprout. Well, the financial stuff I would have planned better, but otherwise I wouldn't have any doubts about our decision.

Here are the good things about not waiting to start a family:
- Babies are awesome. Kids are awesome. They are a spectacle to behold, and with every new achievement, and every inch grown, you will have a new appreciation for them and for your own family that came before you that donated their DNA to aid in creating this amazing little person you get to call your own.
- Having a baby is the true test of a relationship. You never really know what your spouse is going to be like as a father or mother until it happens. You never know what you, yourself will be like as a parent. And it will constantly change. This doesn't sound good, right? It honestly is. My husband and I have grown leaps and bounds in our relationship since we had Sprout and Seedling. The challenges and arguments bring about conversations that expose different parts of ourselves that we have never shown to each other, or never known that we even had. I have had feelings that I didn't know I was capable of, both good and bad.
- Finances are always going to be tough, for most of us anyway. My thinking is that once my kids are through school and into university, my husband and I will be able to use what extra money we are able to save to travel. All I want at some point in time is to visit Paris, and what an amazing trip it would be to go just with Sprout, and have my husband and Seedling take a trip together on their own as well in the future.
- When you have kids in your house, you don't have to feel guilty about having 'kid food' in the house. Buy Froot Loops. You don't actually have to let your kids have any. You can just feel better when you put them in your car-cart at the grocery store.


The biggest and most convincing reason to have kids early? More years (hopefully) of being able to watch them grow and learn about the world around them, be there to support them, and have them there to support you. I love that I had kids early, but I keep thinking that maybe I would have been better equipped to handle two little ones 17 months apart had I been in my 30s. Who knows? Maybe I would have had less energy to do it, and maybe I would have been more mellowed out and less of a hardass, strict, eager young parent. All I can say is that I am doing the best that I can, regardless of the many meltdowns that occur daily (I joke that my neighbours will likely call social services one day because my kids scream and have fits so often...but it's really not a joke - Seedling screams like someone is trying to strangle him when he needs a diaper change. It's ridiculously excessive, but explain that to a 14 month old), and I am so happy that I had my kids when I did. They are shaping who I am, and hopefully I am helping to shape who they become in a positive and nurturing way. Or maybe I'm screwing them up by being too strict and raising my voice too often. Such is life.

I love you, Sprout & Seedling. We will probably fight like cats and dogs in your teenage years, because all three of us are headstrong and have hot tempers, but hopefully Daddy will balance things out and keep us all in check. I am so glad that I had you when I did, and I pray every day that I have the energy to continue to do as much as I can to help you grow up to be confident, polite, intelligent, well-rounded individuals. I am having so much fun with you this summer, and I can't wait to see what fun we will have on our many adventures through July and August. I love watching you discover the world, and I hope that God has it in his plans for me to be able to witness that spectacle for many years to come. Have a wonderful sleep in your air conditioned bliss, my darlings, while Mommy and Daddy sleep (not really) downstairs on the sofa bed so we don't roast like turkeys tonight.

xoxoxo

Mommy

Seedling Turns One.

I have always written a little something, usually a letter, on a momentous occasion for both Sprout and Seedling. Today, at 1:17pm, Seedling turned exactly one year old. It has been a rollercoaster of a day for me, and there are a lot of complicated emotions involved. You see, I don't really remember much of the first 3-4 months of Seedling's life. Honestly, I think that I blocked them out a long time ago as some sort of defense mechanism. If I did that, I wouldn't be able to feel the guilt for completely checking out mentally and emotionally during that time period. I wouldn't be able to completely regret the fact that we gave away our family dog because I couldn't handle the extra stress at the time. All in all, it wasn't a happy time for anyone, Seedling and Sprout included. 

This year has brought so many new challenges and victories to all of our lives. Seedling overcame the obstacles of his laryngomalacia and reflux (mostly - not completely outgrown but almost!), Sprout overcame the obstacle of adjusting to her life with a sibling in it (she still has her 'moments'), my husband and I overcame the many obstacles that arose and caused havoc in our marriage, and I overcame my postpartum depression (again...almost). I still have my 'moments' as well, but they are fewer and farther between.

It is a happy and wonderful day, don't get me wrong, it just brings up feelings that I haven't felt in a long time. And a whole jumble of them. It's been emotional, to say the least. So, on this day that begins the start of a new year of life for my beautiful, handsome, mischievous little Seedling, I would like to write him something a little bit different. For you, my love, here is a poem:

As I laid you down to sleep tonight

On this, your first birthday

A single tear rolled down my cheek

I could not wipe away

A tear of joy, of pride, of hope

Of sadness, pain, and love

One tear to mark my gratefulness 

To the Lord, my God above

Please forgive me, my sweet child

For I have made mistakes

I have always loved you, even when wild

There were moments I thought I might break

Love, you are growing far too fast

Before my eyes, I swear

One inch, another, and then at last

You'll be grown up, sleeping there

I'm savouring all of our moments now

And holding you closer than ever

I'll give you more kisses than you will allow

Our bond will never be severed

I wish I could give you the world today

Anything you could dream of

But all I can give you, do for you, or say

Is that you have all of my love

Close your eyes, little one, go to sleep with the sun

Let the stars serenade you tonight

For tomorrow will begin a new year of fun

And love from your Mommy

Sleep tight

Have a good sleep, little Seedling (and Sprout). I love you both, and you were amazingly well behaved this weekend. Thank you for that. You have no idea how much you both light up every single day. 

xoxoxo

Mommy 

See see my playmate.

You know, friendship is a fickle thing. Or, at least, it can be. Especially in the case of girls/women. The evolution of a friendship over the course of a lifetime is a fascinating thing to explore. Recently, I had a conversation with a friend (let's call her L for all intents and purposes) in regards to how her social circle had changed drastically after she had her children, and how it seems to continue to evolve with each year that passes. L was having trouble with one of her friends understanding the limitations of having children at home, and wanting her to come out and party with them, and "act her age". L is 29, and has two beautiful children at home. What is considered 'acting your age' at 29? How about 25? 35? It really upset her that her friend was treating her that way, and I couldn't really give her much advice, other than trying to delicately say that her friend probably wouldn't understand until she had a family of her own. How do we have so much in common to start out with, and so little only a few years down the road? Just as in a romantic relationship, people in friendships can also grow apart. 


I can definitely say that I have experienced a similar phenomenon since even before I had my Sprout. It all started when I got pregnant...(cue dreamy harp music and a cross-fade transition)


I remember telling my friends that I was pregnant. The ones that seemed the most excited were the ones who were closest to that same stage of life - the friends who had children in their minds for the near future, and were engaged or already married. My other friends were excited too, but it appeared to resonate less with them. Once I gave birth to my beautiful Sprout, my friends called, came by to visit, and mostly kept in touch via text, email, Facebook, or the like. As Sprout has grown, I have lost some friends and made new ones along the way; reconnected with people from my past, and started to phase others out. I have 'cleaned' out my Facebook group, making sure that I don't have anyone that I couldn't actually relate to in my list of friends. I didn't want just anyone having access to my multitude of photo and video albums of my growing family. I have grown more protective of my children and who I want around them, influencing their little lives. In a nutshell, I have changed. Shifted my priorities, and altered what I look for when I meet a potential new friend for the first time. 


Now, I am extremely fortunate to have a wonderful and small group of friends whom I like to refer to as the 'close' ones. Most of them are married and are having kids, or have done so already. The few friends that I have kept who don't fall under those criteria have maintained their connection with me by making sure that I still know who I am, underneath the surface. They ensure that I remember where I came from and who I was before I became a wife and a mother, and remind me not to lose touch with that woman. They play a pivotal role in keeping me sane, otherwise. I have chosen carefully who I want to spend time in my home, and with my children. Am I sad that I had to phase some of my friends out of my life? Sometimes, yes. But, like I said before, people can grow apart in friendships just as often as they do in a romantic relationship. The reconnections with people from my past who are in a similar life-stage right now have been wonderful, and some have also been surprising. 


When you become a mother, new friends usually come from your kids. They meet someone in a class, or at an outing, a birthday party, or at the park, and ask if they can come over to play. I met some amazing friends when I first had Sprout, and brought her to the New Moms Network put on by our local Public Health Unit. We probably didn't have that much in common to start out with other than our babies, but that, along with compatible personality types, was enough to strike up conversation week after week and continue to have weekly playdates and visits until the kids got older and some of the moms began to return to work. Would we have somehow met and been friends otherwise? Maybe. Probably not. Even still, those ladies are still some of my closest friends. 


Having children changes everything in your life. Your body, mind, heart, marriage/relationship, family, priorities, and friendships. Back to my friend L. I thought a lot about what she said, and the trouble that she was having maintaining her friendship, and my heart just hurt for her. A week later, she called me in tears and said that she had sadly decided to sever ties with her friend. I told her that I had to do the same a few times before, and that if she felt like it was the right decision for her and her family, then it was. It happens. As you travel along the road of your life, some people remain beside you, and others veer off on a path of their own. It isn't anyone's fault, but it still hurts when it happens. People move on, and find others that are on the same path or road that they are. The best advice that I can give is to surround yourself with people who make you feel happy, and good about yourself, wherever you are in life. For me, that means low drama. I don't deal with it, don't put up with it, and don't want it around my family. The majority of my close friends get that, and have it high on their list of criteria for what they look for in a friend as well. 


I hope to try and influence my children positively with their own choices for friends, and teach them different strategies for dealing with friendship fallouts as well. Sprout and Seedling, being a friend can be difficult sometimes. There is no way t0 completely avoid people that cause drama and problems, but there are right and wrong ways of dealing with it. Sometimes you will be able to reconcile, and other times you won't. I pray that I am teaching you both the right way to diffuse drama, how to be a good and caring friend, and nurturing your natural empathy and compassion for others. I know that you already have some wonderful friends, and I hope that you all grow together on similar paths (I like all of their mommies too, so it would be nice if that happened!). I love you both with all of my heart. 


xoxoxoxo
Mommy

This one's for you, Melissa...

Recently, a friend of mine jokingly accused me of being secretive with my recipes. She even had a dream about it. Of course, they were crazy delicious cupcakes, not crepes, in the dream, but nevertheless, it got my wheels turning (very squeaky these days).

I love to cook. LOVE to cook. I don't have much time for it these days, but every once in a while, I throw some stuff into a bowl and it works. Here's the latest adventure: Vanilla Bean Crepes with Coconut. I made these three times before I finally took out a set of measuring cups and spoons and attempted to record exactly how much of the ingredients I was using, and what the heck I did to make them. Hopefully these will turn out. This blog is specifically for you, Melissa - I expect a full report back, and I apologize if they don't live up to the dream cupcakes!

Vanilla Bean Crepes with Coconut

4 Large eggs

1/2 c. milk

1 vanilla bean, scraped

1 Tbsp coconut oil, warmed to liquify

2 Tbsp sugar

Pinch of salt

1/2 c. flour

1/4 c. shredded coconut (optional)

Whisk together the first 6 ingredients in a large glass bowl, blend well. Sift in flour slowly, whisking while you add. Stir in coconut, if using. Heat a round, appx 9" frying pan under medium heat with 1 Tsp coconut oil to start off the crepes. Ladel 1/4 c. per crepe and swirl around pan to distribute evenly. Cook until lightly browned, then flip. The second side will cook quicker than the first, so be sure to keep a watchful eye on those beauties! Serve warm with brown sugar, cinnamon, and maple syrup.

There you have it! Bon appetit!