E-I-E-I-O

We have arrived! As of today, it has been 3 weeks and 4 days since we packed everything up, rented out our house, and moved five hours down the road to the farm. Things have been crazy, like...crazy. So much to do, contemplate, unpack, organize, decide, etc. The list could literally go on forever. Here's what has happened so far:

1. We have moved in. 

Doesn't seem like a big deal, but it was for me. This wasn't just us coming with suitcases to stay for a week at Christmas. We are here, here. The kids' rooms are settled, unpacked, and lived in. They are happy in their spaces, and have learned their way around the house more than they have in previous times we have been here visiting. They know places they aren't allowed to go, things they should stay out of, and the boundaries of the yard. 

2. We have consolidated, amalgamated, purged, and cleaned. 

Not everything. This house is over 100 years old (actually, it's two houses that are both over 100 years old, one is just about 6-7 years older than the other, which is incredibly interesting and poses challenges for the upcoming renovations), and my in-laws have lived here for about 30 years. You accumulate a lot of crap in 30 years. We accumulated a TON in only 5 years. So we've been sorting through things,  throwing things out, consolidating things like our spices, baking materials, linens, towels, and basically everything in the house. It's a lot of work, but I think that everyone is on board and happy with the results. 

3. We have started sourcing out schools and activities.

This is a super tough one. I have major anxiety about school choice for Sprout for next year's giant leap into kindergarten. If we would have stayed put where we were, she would have gone to the private Christian school where she attended preschool. Here, it's a little more difficult. Not only is there tuition to be paid, we also have to consider the fact that the bus from the farm to the private Christian school costs an arm and a leg and takes the kids away for another 1-1.5 hours per day. The public school closest to us doesn't even have 'grades' because the school is so small. There are two divisions and two teachers, and that's it. I do not like that option for my children. At all. Personal preference. And the next closest school with the best testing scores (I know the Fraser report isn't everything, but it is something to consider) is about 25 min away, with no bus available, meaning I'd have to drive them. Every. Day. I don't know how I feel about that. Basically, I'm just happy at this point that I've found a dance class and possible piano instruction for Sprout, and swimming and gymnastics classes for Seedling. He desperately needs a trampoline; I think he's turning into a Mexican jumping bean. 

4. I've started making friends, and so have the kids. 

Whew. This was a tough one for me. It's so difficult to actually make new friends as an adult. How do you do it? It's not like when you're working full time and can interact and meet people through the workplace - when you're a stay at home mom, what do you do? Stalk other potentially-cool parents at the park? Eavesdrop on conversations at Starbucks to see if you might have something in common with another woman with a diaper hanging out of her purse? Facebook and Twitter have been fabulous places to connect with others, so I have actually turned to social media for my social life, and have made some connections with a few great local moms who seem to be really awesome parents and potentially great friends. The kids have been getting involved at the church, which has also been fantastic, considering they will most likely see a lot of those kids on the bus to the private school, if that's the route we choose. 

5. We have started making floor plans and interior design plans for the house. 

It's going to be a LONG time before it gets done, or even gets started. We have a lot of legwork to do prior to the renovations, but watching the plans come together makes it extremely exciting. This is a beautiful house, and I cannot wait to grab a sledgehammer and bring it up to date in a way that will preserve the classic farmhouse beauty it possesses. 

All in all, it's been a great start. Career-wise, I have a few options that I am looking into. I don't want to limit myself, but I also have to be careful now that I have a husband who will undoubtedly be away from home quite often for work. The kids have been so happy here. Watching them learn to play (yes, learn to play...really funny to watch city kids after a few days on the farm - they've had to use their imaginations a lot more, which has been both hilarious and fantastic) out here has been just awesome. We've got plans for possible sheep and chickens in the spring, and have been eyeing up a farm dog and more cats. I'm excited and anxious and nervous for the next few months, as we will be traveling a lot and staying in Canmore (how awful, I know) during the winter. I'll keep everyone posted. It wasn't easy being away the first few weeks, especially for my one week that I was here alone while everyone else was gone for work, but we are happy and settling in and having fun so far. 

Two more weeks, and we'll be back to visit family and celebrate Sprout's 4th (EEK!) birthday! :) 

Let me see you MOVE!

Moving is a touchy subject in my household. Growing up, I lived in more houses than I can count on two hands in my hometown alone, and then there are the places I've lived since I moved out on my own! It wasn't ever a bad thing, just moves out of necessity to build the life that my parents had envisioned for our family. Needless to say, when we bought/built our first house, I was determined that it was going to be THE house that we lived in. For twenty years or more.

That brings us to today, and yet another excuse for why I haven't been blogging the past months. We are making a big move next week. Colossal. Huge. We are picking up and moving our family 500-ish-kms south of here. To a farm. Not any old farm. My in-laws' farm. Don't get me wrong - they aren't moving out of their house, we are moving in.

Sound crazy? It very well might end up being the craziest thing we have ever done. Good crazy, or bad crazy? Nobody really knows yet, and we won't know until we try it out. They have a huge, very old farm house (like, over 100 years kind of old) that needs some serious renovations, but it is a beautiful house on an even more beautiful piece of land. On a clear day, you can see the mountains, and on a day that is less than stellar, you can almost always see the foothills. It is full of wide open spaces, what is affectionately known to southern Albertans as 'big sky' (if you've been there, you'll know what I'm talking about), and a few animals. What could be better for raising kids? Plus, they will be growing up in the same house as their grandparents (one set, I'll get to that in a minute) and building close relationships that they will hopefully treasure for the rest of their lives.

Why are we moving? What on earth would take us that far away, leave this house that we built, my whole family, our friends and kids' friends, and our jobs?

Faith. Hope. The promise of the life that we have always wanted for our children.

Does that make it any easier to leave? Not really. It was an extremely difficult decision, especially because B and I both have amazing jobs here, and because I knew that leaving would be really tough on my family. We are a very close-knit group, and the biggest thing holding me back when we were talking about the decision was family. I knew that although we may not see each other as much, the time that would be spent in the future would be quality. Let me explain...

When we have our Sunday dinners right now, it is a busy afternoon and evening for everyone. We jam an entire week (or two) of visiting into a few hours. Don't misunderstand - I love our dinners, and will miss them dearly - I am just very much looking forward to coming for 3-5 days and being able to spend most of our time here visiting without feeling like everything is extremely rushed. Over the course of the year, we will probably spend more hours than we would just visiting on Sundays and the occasional Saturday shopping trip.

All in all, it is a really scary/crazy/exciting/sad/happy time for all of us, and while the kids were upset about the move at first, now they can't wait until next week when we can go and set up their new rooms and they can just be at the farm with all of their stuff. Will it work out and will we stay there? I have no idea. I'm really hoping so. The renovation alone is extremely intriguing for me, as I have never been a part of one that large before, and I've been wanting to update certain things in that house for years!

I will keep blogging throughout the process, and hopefully throw some parenting tips out along the way (there will definitely be one about explaining a big move to an almost-4-year-old).

Oh. There's one more thing.

There is...only...ONE...bathroom.

I'll let you know how that works out.

xoxoxo
C

Edit: I forgot to say, the craziest part of all is that it doesn't feel at all crazy that we are moving in with my in-laws. And, that I hope my kids can build strong relationships with all of their grandparents, because I am very close with all of mine, and even had the opportunity to live with one set when I was young. I always forget to say everything I want to, but I don't want to bore the snot out of all of you by overwriting every single blog. Yowzers. Long edit. 

What's the big deal about the number two?

The number two signifies many different things. A couple, poop (yes, I went there), a peace sign, bunny ears, and the list continues. What I am writing about today is the age. Why is being two years old so important?

Well...it's not, really. It doesn't come with any new rights or responsibilities, unless you count the impending doom of potty training (Seedling's #2's have landed in the toilet for the past 6+ months. So at least that's one less hurdle). It's not like turning 14, 16, or 18. It's not even like turning 10 and getting into those coveted double-digit ages that seem to come with so much more freedom. People talk about the "Terrible Twos", which, I concur, are somewhat terrifying. That isn't what turning two is about.

Turning two is about not being a baby anymore, and being counted by the rest of society as a full-fledged toddler. So I guess it is a little like turning 18. You might even barf everywhere from consuming too much...cake. This is the most bittersweet age. As a parent, you can no longer say "Oh, he/she is a baby still, cut them some slack!" when your child shoves another kid off the slide. You can, however, use the excuse of the "Terrible Twos" when you are running out of the grocery store with an eggplant-faced screaming child, kicking and screaming under your arm. That's kind of nice.

The thing about having a two-year-old once again is the constant reminder of how quickly things progressed after age two. How much their language advances. When they start to understand and enjoy sleep a little more. The way they play and carry out conversations with other children. Their physical strengths, and they ways in which they learn to move differently. All of a sudden, those years start to fly by even more rapidly.

Two makes me long for another child who isn't yet two. It makes me so proud of the ones that I have, and how much love and light they have brought into my life. Two makes me painfully remember those first 6 months and how little I was actually present in that time. It makes me want to go back, and hold that screaming baby instead of getting frustrated and having to put him down. It is amazing what time will do to change your heart. Two is the age that makes me realize that I will never have another child who is less than two. I will never have another baby.

Not to be a total downer on this amazing day - I am also looking forward to all of the advances Seedling will make in this next year. Spring came late in 2013, and already he is out discovering, exploring, and asking so many questions. Learning to ride his balance bike, climbing new things at the park, falling down and getting back up again, swimming, running, and trying everything that seems like it would be fun (or a challenge...he loves being challenged by anything or anyone...that will come back to bite me in his later years, I'm sure). I am also extremely proud of how far he has come with his temper and the way that he plays with his sister. Sprout is also very happy that she gets less cars thrown at her face these days. Still happens, but less.

Sigh. What it comes down to is really that this day is bittersweet. No other way to describe it. I am proud, happy, excited, sad, and longing. All in the same moment. Sorry if Mommy seems to be a basket case today, Seedling. I love you forever and always, and wish you the happiest of birthdays. I will try to make it the best yet (not too hard, only one to beat).

xoxoxo
Mommy

Time out.

Unreal. I cannot believe that it has been so long since the last time that I posted something new. I attended this fabulous event last year put on by Modern Mama South Edmonton called Mama Blogs, which was supposed to help inspire me to 'find my blogging voice'. I was indeed inspired, and determined to sit down and start blogging again, at least once per week. And then the summer happened. Fall followed. So did the longest winter I ever remember (I realize it's spring now, but really...have you looked outside? Winter wonderland out there).

I found myself in the middle of March, 2013, completely befuddled. Where did all of my time go? What happened to the rest of 2012? Did Christmas happen? I decided that I needed to sit down and have a long, hard look at what happened this past year. Basically, I needed to give myself a TIME OUT.

Life as a mother is busy, no matter how many children you have. As they start to grow and become more interested in sports, arts, and other activities, it just gets worse (or...better?). Right now, all I have to do is drive to preschool twice per week and dance once per week, and I feel like I'm always on the go. This year, though, with things being as busy as they have been, I feel like I have missed out on a lot.

I shouldn't complain about the fact that I have a few different jobs that allow me to stay home during the days with my kids and work evenings and weekends. But I'm going to anyway. You see, I think that being home during the day with my kids is extremely important. I will always strive to find a way that we can survive financially with me being a stay-at-home-sometimes mom. The issue with what I have been doing is this: missed FAMILY time.

Work has taken me to three different pathways this year: practicing massage in the city through a fabulous physiotherapy clinic, continuing to build my own home practice, and instructing dance. I love all three of those pathways; however, they have brought me to a point where I am now working at least 6 days per week, if not 7. And by days, I mean evenings and weekends.

What does that leave me with? Amazing bonding time with my children during the day? Well, to be honest, I have been so burned out that my 'bonding time' has consisted of me often using the TV to distract the kids while I work on choreography and lesson planning, or sewing towels for a customer (oh yeah...another job...), and when they ask me to play, I usually lay down on the floor and play the "Mommy's pretending to take a nap" game, and tell them to tiptoe so they don't awaken the beast. My patience has dwindled and dwindled down to almost nothing. I have a very difficult time being present, even though I am here. I want so badly to be the fun, easygoing mom who has boundless energy and ideas for playing and making their days at home memorable ones. I feel like I am failing them, and myself.

Let's not even mention the relationship aspect of things, or taking time out for my own hobbies and things that I enjoy. Really. I shouldn't. Because it's going to make me sound extremely bitter. Because I am.

Am I ungrateful for the opportunities that I have been presented with? NO! I am so grateful everyday that I can work so my children can take part in the extracurricular programs they want to, and that we can afford to send them to a great school. Do I feel a little overwhelmed? That might be the understatement of the year.

My relationships have suffered this year, with my husband, my children, and even myself. I have become very disconnected with my family, and made the executive decision that THINGS NEED TO CHANGE! So here are the changes I am making:

1. Making my home clinic the priority in terms of my job. I am putting in more time and effort into careful marketing and promotions. That is the reason we built our house in the location it is, and the main reason we even finished our basement.

2. Scheduling time for my family. As sad as that sounds, if I don't do it, I know it won't get done with the way things are right now. Whether it is an afternoon at the pool, or a day where we take the kids out and do whatever they want to do, it needs to happen more often than it has been. All of us, together as a family.

3. Scheduling time for my marriage. Honestly. A date night once a month might be nice. Or once every 2 months. Once every 6 months would be more than it has happened this year. I understand now how people can look at each other when their kids move away after school and say "Hello...who are you, again?"

4. Less evenings and weekends away. No matter WHAT. This means huge financial changes for us. I am giving up my dance instructing job in July, and while it breaks my heart because it has been one of the most rewarding and enjoyable positions I have ever held, I had to decide which job was taking the most time away from my family. I may also be cutting back the amount of out-of-house massages that I take in a week.

5. Getting back to being myself. As a mom, I know some of you will be able to relate to the feeling of losing yourself once you have a child/children. I used to sing. Compose. Dance. Perform. Write. My arts were my outlet, and I feel like I have completely lost sight of who I used to be, and who I still am, somewhere in there. I need to take time to do these things.

When my kids grow up, I want them to be able to look back and remember the early days of being at home with me. Even if it is only a couple snippets of memories here and there, I want them to be good ones. The kind of feelings that you get when you hear a song that reminds you of a wonderful time in your life. I want them to remember what their mom and dad were like together - what the relationship was like, so that they have something positive to model their own future relationships after. I want to be able to look back in 20 years with B and say that I put as much into my kids' early years as I could. I want them to be able to say that I taught them patience, kindness, love, respect, and everything that a parent should.

Praying it all turns out. Sorry, kids. No more pizza Fridays for a while. Well...at least not this Friday.

xoxoxo
Mommy

Who's emotional about being 3?

Unbelievable how quickly the time rushes by after the first year of your first child's life. It really did feel like I was always waiting and anticipating her next developmental stage, cheering on every head lift, sit up, step, and word. Now, I find myself constantly wondering where the time went and praying that I haven't missed anything important. Gone are the days of journaling her every move, videotaping each cute phrase and wiggle-dance. Sure, I am still a snap-happy mama - I love capturing each and every moment, mostly because I am forgetful and I don't want to lose any moment, eyes closed, silly face, or otherwise.

I read somewhere recently (forgive me, like I said, forgetful...) that at the ripe old age of three, children begin to develop fears about the world around them. They realize that sometimes shadows in the dark are more than shadows. Their imaginations create scary scenarios in their heads filled with dragons and monsters and the like. They also have the capacity to realize their own mortality, usually after watching a film, reading a story, talking with friends, or the death of a family member, friend, or pet. That's a huge thing to deal with in such a new little mind. I wish that they didn't lose their innocent feelings of immortality as children. Not saying they should think they are invincible and jump off of the slide at the park, but I just wish that they could stay in the little safety bubble a while longer without becoming engrossed in fears and worries about their lives and the world around them.

I should cut to the chase - I've been super emotional about Sprout turning three. So much so, in fact, that I have put off writing her birthday letter until now because every time I thought about it, I started to cry. But, nonetheless, even though I am emotional about it (and so is she...like a teenager), here it is.

My dearest, beautiful, big girl,

You take my breath away every day in so many amazing ways: you make me laugh so hard it hurts, you make me hold my breath and count to ten (yes, that's when I'm mad), you make me sit with my jaw on the floor while I am constantly blown away by your comprehension, vocabulary, and intelligence (you've been reading words lately of your own accord - mind-boggling).

I could sit and list all of the things you have done that I am proud of you for in the last year, but I would be here forever. The big highlights have been watching you grow in your love of dance, observing as you have become the most wonderful and loving big sister a little brother could ask for, and listening to your imagination grow and grow. My favourite story you made up recently went a little like this: "Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a baby unicorn who was super beautiful and had a magic unicorn horn. Her name was Cass, just like you! She lived in a big beautiful castle with her Mommy unicorn, and they played every day and loved each other forever and always, just like me and you." I had to write it down, because it made my heart so incredibly happy.

I could never have dreamed of a better daughter. You are perfect in every way, and I hope that I am doing a good enough job raising you. Sometimes, I feel guilty having been given someone so special and such a big responsibility in helping you grow up right. Please forgive my tired days and my grouchy days. I try not to let those emotions run into our time together, but I know they inevitably do - you are amazingly perceptive for a 3 year-old, and you always know if I am a little off (which you almost always try to cure with a hug and a kiss). Please know that you are so important to me, and that you have the sweetest and most caring heart.

I love you so much, Sprout, and I hope that you have a fantastic year being three! I can't wait to see what adventures God will throw our way in the next 11.5 months! Sweet dreams, baby girl.

xoxoxo
Mommy

Well hello, old friend.

Blogging, for me, is like getting together with that old friend that you haven't seen in a long time, and having a long-awaited venting session about all the good and bad things in your life that have been happening. Ahhh. Feels good. 

It's been way too long since I last wrote. Not a lot has changed. Or...well...I guess it has. New jobs, new car, and seemingly new tiny personalities in my house. Seedling has made the shift from baby to toddler, full-on. He has toddler-sized clothes, a bigger than toddler-sized head (seriously, it's big), a pretty comprehensive vocabulary, and throws toddler-sized tantrums. That all being said, watching him change and grow into his newfound persona has been incredible. Now for the other child. 

Sprout. Sigh. In the last month or so, I have watched my sweet, confident, outgoing, independent big girl regress into a bundle of spontaneous tears, clinginess, frightened of everything, shy (bordering on just downright rude...), completely dependent on Mommy for everything, not-herself little girl. My very wise, supermom sister once told me that there are the 'terrible twos', but then come the 'emotional threes'. It's a thing. I know it for sure, now. Sprout never really entered the 'terrible twos'. Sure, she had her sassy moments and still does, but two seemed to be more about asserting her independence and showing off how much she could really do on her own. She was extremely confident, self-assured, and proud. This whole bipolar personality switch has caught me and the hubs completely off guard. 

Take, for example, today's shenanigans at dance class. Sprout LOVES dance class, and always has. She is in her second year, with the same teacher, at the same studio. Not anything different there; this is the 5th week of class, so she has been well-adjusted to there being new students and new material/routine to follow in the class. We were running late, and she eagerly put on her ballet slippers and dashed into class as soon as we arrived. I watched with Seedling proudly as she went through her pliés, rises, and port de bras with her tiny feet in perfect 1st position. She galloped, skipped, did her lifted walks and kicks wonderfully, and even demonstrated her skips across the floor by herself! All of a sudden, though, I was greeted at the door by her instructor, holding the hand of a sobbing, screaming Sprout. 

**Now, I should take a moment and just say that Sprout did get talked to (by me) after last class, because she wasn't doing a good job of listening to her instructor. But we talked about it, she agreed that she needed to listen, and it was done with.**

Okay, back to the story. Sprout rushed into my arms and I asked her what was wrong. All she could get out between sobs was that she wanted to go home, and she had gotten in trouble. I had been watching, and I knew that she hadn't done anything that would warrant her getting bawled out, but I thought "Hmm...well...there was last week...and I was paying attention to Seedling right before she came out...". Her instructor came out to check on her, and ask what had happened (she seemed as taken aback as I was), and said that she hadn't done anything, just burst into tears when they got into a circle to sing one of their songs. Then, I got frustrated. This was the same thing that had been happening everywhere we went. 

At Sunday school, she sat in the corner and wouldn't listen or participate at all. At our weekly playgroup/class, she sat on my lap and refused to even look at or talk to anyone else. We had friends over for her this past week - she played by herself. Every day, it seemed there was something that set her off and had her crying at different points throughout the day. She has been withdrawn, clingy, emotional, and just not herself, and I can't figure out why. Hard not to lose your patience, right? Maybe there are some parents who can deal with these changes more easily, but I know that I'm not alone when I say that IT SUCKS. 

What I realized today, though, is that I don't think I am ever going to know exactly why her behaviour has changed. Kids go through all of these different changes and phases during their development, and they are usually just as thrown and frustrated as we are. Think about puberty - I know that I was both frustrated and confused with a lot of what was happening with my body and my emotions during that time, and I know I was definitely not alone in that. The most important thing in their lives is how we, their parents, react and help them through it all. 

Encouraging Sprout to talk about what she felt before she started to cry, or the things that set her off and make her withdraw from interacting with others, will hopefully help her feel like she can talk to me - about anything. If all I do is get frustrated when she comes out of class crying, she is never going to trust me with the truth behind her emotions. Doesn't seem like a big deal now, but when she is a teenager, or an adult, it will be. Asking "Why are you so upset?" might not be the best tactic because she probably has no idea a lot of the time, but being positive and helping her understand different ways to express her feelings (like using an outlet, drawing, choosing colours that help show me how she feels), might aid her in feeling like she isn't trying to blindly scramble through this phase of her life alone. 

Good grief, parenting is a learning curve. You think you have them figured out for a minute, and then they change. I am so thankful to have such amazing friends and family to help me help them through life. I have said it before, and I will say it again: not only am I contributing to the growth and development of my children; they are also contributing to my own personal growth and development. Every day, I learn something different and new, and every day there is something else that pops up as a potential struggle. Some days I feel beaten down, and other days, I feel like I couldn't be more alive. It's a rollercoaster, that's for sure. 

Seedling, you are growing into such a special little boy. I watch with amazement each day at all the different things you are learning, and love all the lessons you are teaching me. I am proud and honoured to be your Mommy. 

Sprout. My first-born, beautiful, big girl. You will be turning 3 in less than a month, and that day will be extremely bittersweet. 3 soon turns into 4, and then 5, and then school years start to fly by. I know, I've been there. I'm trying to hold onto your tiny years, while still encouraging you to spread your wings and take off to do more on your own. I'm not perfect, and I'm sorry that I get frustrated and lose my patience. I will do my best to help you get through whatever this horrible phase is. Please make it a short one. (That plea was more of a prayer, not really a plea for you). You are so bright and beautiful, mischievous and sassy, loving, generous, and caring. I hope that none of that ever changes. 

**I could use a little less sassy sometimes though**

xoxoxo
Mommy

Summer Heat & The Art of Losing One's Temper

I recently complained to a friend about my son's crazy temper. At just shy of 14 months, he throws epic tantrums that outplay even those of Sprout's (she will be 3 in November of this year). In the midst of all of my complaining, I recalled a few incidents where I 'lost it' recently with my kids and husband, and my vision suddenly became clear.

Sure, I could blame it all on the summer heat - who isn't feeling a little stir crazy these days with this heat wave, as awesome as our pool days have been - but honestly...I'm going to go with the fact that I've just not been myself lately. It is amazing to me how much of an impact children and pregnancy/ies can have on your life. For example, I have now had to get my eyeglass prescription strengthened twice in the past year, supposedly because "having kids can greatly affect your eyes, you know....hormones and all that...", or so says my optometrist. Apparently having a baby can make your eyes shaped even  more like footballs (my prescription is mostly astigmatism). It really just made me think, and think hard.

Here's where this blog is going: to my friends who haven't had kids yet, or to anyone who is contemplating having children, I would like to share with you a few points that you might want to consider from both sides of the argument.

Having children is an amazing, wonderful thing. It will be the most challenging, yet most rewarding experience in your life. Why wait, right? Here's my thought on holding off, and it's one that I really want you to consider carefully - everything will change when you have a baby. Be prepared for it. If all of your thoughts on having children come up with giggles, ice cream sundaes, cute baby clothes, and snuggles, take a moment and stop. It IS that wonderful at times, but you need to understand the gravity and reality of the situation. Your whole life will change. I so looked forward to my first pregnancy, and for the most part, it really wasn't bad. Neither was delivery or labour. Neither was having a baby, in general. I came home with the easiest baby in the world (the first time), but it was still a huge adjustment. Emotions run crazy wild when you are in that first postpartum year, and no matter how well things go with the baby, your marriage or relationship will undoubtedly have its own challenges.

Financially, make sure you are ready. Everyone said that to me, and I thought we were good. I was planning on working until the bitter end, but I ended up going on partial bedrest for the last 6 weeks due to muscle tearing. I hadn't planned for that, and I also hadn't planned well for having no EI or maternity leave while I was off (self-employed...benefits and drawbacks). We put ourselves into major debt, and didn't learn the second time around. I feel like an idiot looking back, and now we will be struggling to keep afloat for years to come. If you want to travel, or just lay around on the couch on the weekends, do it now. If you want to spend some more time with your friends, do it now. Don't let your friends having kids influence you to start a family of your own. That is one of the worst reasons to decide to have a baby. Peer pressure is never a good idea, no matter how old you are. All this aside, I wouldn't change a thing about when we decided to have our first little Sprout. Well, the financial stuff I would have planned better, but otherwise I wouldn't have any doubts about our decision.

Here are the good things about not waiting to start a family:
- Babies are awesome. Kids are awesome. They are a spectacle to behold, and with every new achievement, and every inch grown, you will have a new appreciation for them and for your own family that came before you that donated their DNA to aid in creating this amazing little person you get to call your own.
- Having a baby is the true test of a relationship. You never really know what your spouse is going to be like as a father or mother until it happens. You never know what you, yourself will be like as a parent. And it will constantly change. This doesn't sound good, right? It honestly is. My husband and I have grown leaps and bounds in our relationship since we had Sprout and Seedling. The challenges and arguments bring about conversations that expose different parts of ourselves that we have never shown to each other, or never known that we even had. I have had feelings that I didn't know I was capable of, both good and bad.
- Finances are always going to be tough, for most of us anyway. My thinking is that once my kids are through school and into university, my husband and I will be able to use what extra money we are able to save to travel. All I want at some point in time is to visit Paris, and what an amazing trip it would be to go just with Sprout, and have my husband and Seedling take a trip together on their own as well in the future.
- When you have kids in your house, you don't have to feel guilty about having 'kid food' in the house. Buy Froot Loops. You don't actually have to let your kids have any. You can just feel better when you put them in your car-cart at the grocery store.


The biggest and most convincing reason to have kids early? More years (hopefully) of being able to watch them grow and learn about the world around them, be there to support them, and have them there to support you. I love that I had kids early, but I keep thinking that maybe I would have been better equipped to handle two little ones 17 months apart had I been in my 30s. Who knows? Maybe I would have had less energy to do it, and maybe I would have been more mellowed out and less of a hardass, strict, eager young parent. All I can say is that I am doing the best that I can, regardless of the many meltdowns that occur daily (I joke that my neighbours will likely call social services one day because my kids scream and have fits so often...but it's really not a joke - Seedling screams like someone is trying to strangle him when he needs a diaper change. It's ridiculously excessive, but explain that to a 14 month old), and I am so happy that I had my kids when I did. They are shaping who I am, and hopefully I am helping to shape who they become in a positive and nurturing way. Or maybe I'm screwing them up by being too strict and raising my voice too often. Such is life.

I love you, Sprout & Seedling. We will probably fight like cats and dogs in your teenage years, because all three of us are headstrong and have hot tempers, but hopefully Daddy will balance things out and keep us all in check. I am so glad that I had you when I did, and I pray every day that I have the energy to continue to do as much as I can to help you grow up to be confident, polite, intelligent, well-rounded individuals. I am having so much fun with you this summer, and I can't wait to see what fun we will have on our many adventures through July and August. I love watching you discover the world, and I hope that God has it in his plans for me to be able to witness that spectacle for many years to come. Have a wonderful sleep in your air conditioned bliss, my darlings, while Mommy and Daddy sleep (not really) downstairs on the sofa bed so we don't roast like turkeys tonight.

xoxoxo

Mommy