High school. I don't miss it one bit. Let me give you a bit of a background story to go on here. I grew up in a very affluent community amongst very affluent people. Though my family was not barely scraping by, we weren't up there with those living in McMansions. The city I grew up in has a really bad reputation for producing spoiled, snotty children - particularly girls, which was unfortunate for me. I have never gotten along with those of the female persuasion as well as males. My theory behind this: I don't participate in the drama that comes along with girl-to-girl friendships. I don't do grudges, catfights, back-stabbing, etc. Life is way too short to get involved with that kind of bullshit, but somehow I seem to end up dealing with it anyways. I think it's just part of being a girl. If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm apparently done writing about the things I miss about being a kid. Here's a new one - something I don't miss.
1. Save the drama, mama.
I recently encountered a situation that I can only describe as insanely juvenile and immature, and I let myself get wound up enough (my mistake, because it wasn't worth the energy) that I thought it would be a good idea to blog about it. This is the second blog. The first one got deleted because there were too many - ahem - expletives, and I realized I had stooped down a level on my own maturity scale. My two best friends growing up were guys. S & J have been a huge part of my life ever since we were 11 and decided that we were going to be inseparable. I was convinced that I would probably marry one or the other. Funny as it is now, they both ended up in my wedding party, but as my "bridesmen" (don't worry, they didn't wear dresses - just pink ties). I have a couple of close girlfriends, and I keep it that way for a reason. I am a very low-maintenance friend. I don't need my friends to call me daily with updates, nor do I need to hang out with them every day. I don't get offended if they are busy and we don't see each other for two or three months, and I expect that they would say the same thing about their relationships with me. Most girls, unfortunately, do not function in that manner.
So why did I expect that it should be any different with motherhood? I don't know, maybe it is because we are all supposed to be living the way we want to project upon our impressionable little ones. Or maybe it's because I thought (mistakenly) that once women have children, they grow up a little bit. I'm not saying I never have a lapse in judgment or maturity, but I definitely watch myself more now that I've had Sprout. I was informed recently that someone I do not even really know decided that I was worthy enough to take up a bunch of their gossip time. What did they talk about, you ask? Apparently, subjects that were of great importance included:
1. How I am way too overprotective with my daughter
- This one made me laugh, because I know I am overprotective, but isn't that the very definition of being a mother? Since I've had Sprout, the most common comment on my parenting (and my husband's) has been that we are extremely relaxed and laid back with her. I take pride in that, and so does the husband. When Sprout was born, it was like a switch went off and I immediately decided we would just roll with whatever she brought with her for baggage, be it colic, temper tantrums, reflux, or anything health-related. That attitude has helped shape Sprout into a very well-adjusted child. She is happy 99.9% of the time, and doesn't take long to warm up to new people in her life. Not to say that her environment is the only thing that has guided her development, but I have seen firsthand how a toxic or volatile home environment can negatively affect a child. Kids are supposed to be kids - babies are supposed to be babies. There are a few parents that I know that think it's better to treat your child like an adult their whole life. No nurturing, fend-for-yourself parenting. To them I say...good luck with that. I know a few kids who were brought up that way, and they have not fared well. School is an issue because they don't know how to interact with other children. They don't know how to play in both solo and group environments, and they don't know how to converse with anyone other than adults. Unfortunately, if those same types of children are exposed at an early age to family violence, it complicates their situation further. They think that violence is an appropriate way to solve conflict. They aren't taught that calm communication is necessary, and in most cases, more effective. So if I cuddle and rock my daughter too much, and treat her like a baby (God forbid), and don't fight and break down doors in front of her, I guess that means I'm overprotective.
2. I am a "know-it-all" mother who does nothing but talk about her child.
- Again, I had to laugh. I definitely talk about Sprout a lot. I ask again though, isn't that a normal part of being a mother? I also talk a lot about subjects that I have researched. I definitely don't know it all, but I do know about the things that I choose to write about/talk about. And if I don't know, I ask questions. Let me put it this way - if I had unlimited access to university classes, I'd probably never stop going to school. I love to learn, and I always seem to retain the weirdest tidbits of information. Play a game of Trivial Pursuit or Jeopardy with me - you'll see what I mean. I don't always know the obvious answers, but I can tell you who assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria-Hungary and his wife Sophie in 1914 (it was Gavrillo Princip, and he was with a Bosnian-Serb group called the Black Hand). Weird, right? Why do I remember that? Because my grade 10 Social teacher drilled it into my head when he described the assassination as "he busted a cap up in the Archduke's ass". So it stuck. If I had a huge ego or something, I'd probably respond to these allegations of me being a "know-it-all" with...why yes, I DO know it all. But I don't, and I don't. Believe me, if you are an expert on a subject I am interested in, I'll sit and soak up as much knowledge from you as I can. I love to learn, and maybe that's why I talk about the things that I do know about so much - I also love to teach and share knowledge with others. I'm not an expert on everything, nor am I always right. I am open to the opinions of others, even if they differ from my own. Teach me what you know, and I will always be appreciative.
I really hope that Sprout doesn't have to deal with all of the lady-drama that seems to follow us women around, as hard as I try to avoid it. I have really changed my outlook on my own friends, and the type of people I want her to be exposed to as she grows up. I make a great effort to surround myself with others whose parenting styles I agree with, and whose friendships are easily maintained. Again, if that's being overprotective, I guess I'm proud of it. I don't want to end up screwing with my daughter's life because of my own selfishness and unwillingness to grow up, change, and cut out "toxic" friendships. I know she'll eventually encounter other girls and women that eat up the drama, and love creating it between others and in their own lives, and I hope that my guidance will steer her clear of those types of people. Meanwhile, I think I'll go rock my baby to sleep, and offer up a free lecture to her on the art of staying away from the "mean girls" (haha).
Save the drama for the theatre, baby.
xoxoxo
Mommy
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